Ok--so everyone who wants to pair up with an oldtimer post:
1) Just a few sentence background 2) what you think you need most help with (staying on track, brainstorming solutions, setting goals, etc)
H is depressed MLC. Abandons me and 2 teen kids for 20 y-old's lifestyle, including A. Amasses huge debts over last 5 years. Anger/shame/guilt interspersed with short periods of normalcy. My gut says he still loves us and, at one level, wants to come back. Visits home everyday when dropping kids after school pick-up. Is still hiding A from me, kids and his family.
I need help with balancing LRT and showing him acceptance, keeping the road home paved and smooth.
The more I withdraw, the more H does. The nicer and more 'normal' I am towards him, the nicer and more normal he is to me.
Constant flashpoint is ongoing financial disaster. It's the source of his claim that he ruined my life, and defines him as a 'failure'. Has referred to himself as a scumbag and adulterer.
Unsure how to deal with his sense of worthlessness. NC is likely to produce greater sense of rejection.
