Hi DB family. Have been reading this forum for many weeks with interest. Have some questions of my own if someone could answer I would be most appreciative. Live in Australia, married 28 years. 3 grown kids at home S25, D19, S18. Suddenly 9 months ago the Alien announced he wanted a divorce. The usual, LYBNILWY, everything my fault, wants freedom, sick of taking care of everyone else, the usual drill. Has denied OW. Then the roller coaster ride, reconcile, two months later demands divorce, reconcile two moths later and following this pattern until two months ago. This time he will not change his mind. H says I will never change and he is sick of giving me more chances. I was ordered into the spare bedroom. We are still living in the family home. He was going on an OS trip for 3 weeks and I set about seeking help and reading and learning about MLC, hoping he would have a change of heart after a holiday and a break away. He is persisting nothing will change his mind. I began seeing an IC who is helping me with my own depression issues which erupted after H's acting out. All is quiet and civil at home. Connecting quite well with him actually, no conflict. Plenty of eye contact as Jody suggested. I have been DB'ing like mad, going really well with the help of 2x amazing sessions with Jody. Read DB and Save your Marriage without Talking about It and waiting for DR in the mail. My questions...we had a great sex life previous to this. I asked H the other night (he had had many drinks) if I could be allowed a conjugal visit (trying to lighthearted). He agreed as long as no strings attached. Jody had instructed me it had to be fun, no pressure. He brought up divorce again afterwards. In response, I told him I was ready to move on (trying to 180)and he didn’t react, said he was happy about that. Should I have said this or told him I want to work things out? Should I have slept with him? I was very controlled afterwards and went straight back to my own room and continued to DB the day after. But I have been worried that I may have crossed the line too soon. Any opinions about this. I thought it better that he gets sex from me then find it elsewhere. He has always had a high sex drive. I am devastated he brought up the divorce and selling the house again after I thought we were connecting. Should I be worried? Should I ramp up the DB’ing or be consistent and do what I have been doing? I’m so upset again after pulling myself together for so many weeks. Am regretting the sex big time now.
