Both Amy and this John (and I've seen more suggestions of this) have indicated that they DO eventually remember. Not all at once. It takes time for much of the memories to come back or be re-made. Like someone with amnesia recreating memories of their past, by bits and pieces they remember and also related to them as common history by others.
I think it was Amy as re-posted by Cadet in this thread, that suggested (or maybe it was HB in another thread) that the MLCer has two paths once they are out of the tunnel:
+ continue to deny or otherwise never face "the damage" and carry on with their new life
+ own the damage and apologize as necessary and rebuild.
The latter is obviously the more difficult road and take loads of courage and strength by the postMLCer. But some definitely do rebuild. And I also think it takes loads of courage and strength by the LBS (and others), as well.
I think the former could lead to a relapse of MLC down the road.
This post [and the direction of the thread in discussing depression] exactly reflects my experience with my xh. It is now 7 years since he entered MLC world big-time [he was paddling in its shallow waters for a while before then]. He is now through the tunnel but unable or unwilling to face his issues. He clearly isn't happy, and would like to have 'friendship' with me, but I am not a big enough person to carry this one off.
I am not nursing hurt, but feel, rightly or wrongly, that by being his 'friend' [by which he means exchanging an occasional email, and perhaps meeting up with me and the boys once a year] I am enabling his pretence that all is now well. It isn't, and nor is it anything my adult children wish to be part of. Their on-going frustration is that can't talk to their father any more about anything that matters to them or him. The barriers are still up, and he becomes angry if challenged on anything.
I have always encouraged, as far as I can without interference, them to stay in touch with their father, although he has made it hard at times by his behaviour, but he isn't my father. They see him occasionally and do exchange emails. But he was my dearly loved husband, and I am tremendously saddened by who he has become. I genuinely wish him well, but do not want to be part of his life, or want him in mine. The ML Journey doesn't always work through to a 'good' ending, sadly. That is why it is so important that we move on with our own lives and become the person we want to be, even though we didn't choose it! It is a tough on-going process that still has the pwer to sadden me at times.
