W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P3

[Snowman]

SL-Crap I know it is about her it is about me. I keep getting sucked into the vortex of it being about her.

KD is right that she would not believe the no more mr. nice guy if I said it to her. Its about me and my actions.

Do you find it all very ironic? I did. All of my natural reactions were eusually the worse things to do. All of the suggestions - which I knew in my gut were right - were so hard to do. I couldn't decide to stay in my M until I had the strength to leave. Before that it wasn't a decision - I was trapped.

It is ironic as I have noticed when I detached to better than I ever had before is when all this crazy apology stuff came about. I said to myself, well isnt that just dandy I'm ready to move on and they come begging back. I felt like I was gaining momentum then and ready to take whatever came my way as well as share my changes with someone new. I agree with the trap thing totally.

I have been throwing the IC thing around in my head again to work on NMMNG=No More Mr. Nice Guy. I know it doesn't keep the road paved and smooth by talking to family. I have worked to not talk to my family about it anymore and hers as well. I will say that I do talk to one sister who has gone through a separation in the past and has given stayed very objective and supportive of me. No bashing or anything like that but she does say a lot of what chatterbug had to say to me. Others just know because they are to close to not know and it has been to long. I didn't share anything with my W and did not confront her again.

Chatterbug-First of all your message resonates like the things my sister says who has been through her own stitch. Second, you are freaking right about everything and me realizing where this thing is leading me.

I have worked on or tried to address everything possible to the best of my ability or through help of books, IC, or other ways.
I still have work to do on me with being comfortable with me and getting my manhood back so to speak.

Sit down and write out your list of all the good things and bad things you see in her. Do the same for your marriage and relationship.

This is your list.

This is what you need to know will be worked on by her if you decide to get back together.

I need and will do this.

I work on me for me and then get sucked back into working on me to somehow fix the M which is wrong. I need to get back to working on me to be a better husband, father, and man for me. I need to get way stronger self-esteem and confidence. Thanks for this reality check.

SL-I have listened to the NMMNG book in my car and found myself saying in my head, yep, yep, yep, over and over. I know need to get a hard copy and really go through it to identify my issues. Right now its to hit and miss when just listening to it in the car. I will develop specific goals once I go through the activities in the book and get back to you on that one.

I will say I'm worn out dealing with this crap, filling out paperwork to short-sale my house, work, and life in general. I need a break from it all. I keep saying yeah I should get a gym membership and have not. I should do that to release the frustration.

Now I'm rambling. Thanks for the reality check and support.