it was definitely a much needed boost of confidence - but today after his offer to stop by so late in the evening i'm a little nervous -
i'm glad you wrote what you did. i needed a very good reminder that if he starts r talks (that's what i'm nervous about), i should just be flirty and blow it off a bit.
his pattern is definitely to "think out" the back and forthing with me - and that's what i sense he may do - except since the split, his version has been to back on forth with r talks.
just have to try and stay relaxed and open and not get pulled in.
problem is - it takes him a long while to keep talking before we get to the point where he makes a mistake -so if i blow it off too soon, i may lose an opportunity there for him to make another one.
well - i'm not going to over think it and not going to expect anything except that he would like to hang out with s before he goes to bed how are you brit? well , i hope?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
has been a bit of a tough day - not half as bad as what they used to be, but i struggled most of the day with having no expectations.
then suddenly in the evening while i was just sitting there blanching and taking the skins off 2 lbs of almonds, the thought came into my mind - i am reacting to the most recent bomb - and there was this huge relief.
relief to know that i wasn't freaking out completely, coming on the board to write a long long post, cooking up every negative thing i could think about h to make me feel mad so i didn't feel so damn sad. and just realizing that oh my i have moved forward in some way - i'm in a different place than i was, within myself. and just with acknowledging that, all the angst slipped away and i was at more peace.
h is being friendly and nice, but definitely avoiding being around me for too long. he knows the door is open, he can come in anytime - meanwhile, i'm turning to other things...
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
h didn't stop by later, he did so earlier as he needed his keys on his way to the meeting. i made sure that the interaction was very positive and relaxed. i did notice him sort of peering at me to see if he could sense where i'm at, but i'm acting consistently the same for weeks now, so i think he's a bit confused.
must have worked because he called me back about 3 mins after he drove off and wanted to discuss the menu. i agreed happily with his change of plans, and it's funny because it's almost making him uncomfortable that i'm being so agreeable - i don't know if it's uncomfortable, but he gets a bit gruff..
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
The sooner you can recognize and thought stop, the better your emotional state (and your day) will be.
I've been shoring up my boundaries and pretty much setting up a vacuum around myself, in regards to my W. I really, really, really do not want to stay M to her and everything she is doing, saying, blah... blech... is irritating me.
But I continued to stay as positive and mysterious and otherwise pleasant around my W, as per DB...
ick...
dbmod asked me late last week about what my W might want from me and how I might "fill her heart"... and honestly... I had nothing. I had no idea what my W might want from me or what might fill her heart. I dug and dug and could not come up with anything. The reality is, I have always had a sense that, my W at least wants to remain connected to me for some reason.
Initially, my W gave the "we can remain friends" speech. And even though I expressed very clearly that I would not be her friend, I did not want to be her friend, she persisted with sporadic contact about non-essential things.
So as much as what I want to do different is to have my own MLC... well... without the MLC part... and following what appears to be a theme that is developing here... It came to me that my W wants to keep some connection with me and it may be time for me to do something different and allow that to develop.
Truth be known, I don't want to. I am already into a second email from my W and the stuff that I'm reading is irritating me...
But... I will remain positive in my interaction, let the connection develop, and see where it leads. Truth is, so far it's positive.
Like you, I have to thought stop on the negative that I'm reading into her emails. I have to choose to believe they are based in good intentions.
And given time... I can change me to change the sitch, or in this case, simply accept that my W's language is what it is and to choose not to be offended by it or any perceived meaning.
KD - thanks for opening up. sometimes the vets here are so busy helping others, that we forget that they are in their own sitches, sometimes good sometimes not so good.
i would love to be presumptuous enough to write back and tell you what i think from reading your words, but i want your permission first to do so.
feel free to let me know that you don't want my opinion or input - i won't mind at all.
meanwhile a big (( )) - and i hope like hell you don't let yourself slip into some kind of mlc without the mlc as you put it. you're an amazing person and very valued.
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
lol zig. I appreciate the ask, although my motto is always, "if ya got sumfin' to say... say it..." I can say that people in general... and c'mon... truth is... vets is people, too... lol that it is very difficult to see their own sitchs objectively.
So, you have my permission.
and heck... if I can't have my MLC... then maybe I'll just run off and be a circus...
It is weird to consider that vets are people too...! I think we do think you all have it figured out aways! And we do forget that you have your own sitchs to deal with too. That just makes the time and advice you give to us even more heartfelt and appreciated.
KD I am no way near as brave as zig ( hopefully soon i will be!) to offer advice but I do offer my support.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hey Zig, wow. I take a little time off the boards and all kinds of stuff happens!
Hope you're doing well. It certainly sounds like your H is realizing all the stuff he's dealing with and at some level is having to face it.
I found it sadly amusing to read about him thinking himself a "loyal" person and having to look inside himself to see how his actios did not support that. Talk about turmoil for him. But that is needed. We don't grow in peaceful settings and he needs some internal turmoil to generate some thinking.
Sounds like you're getting your "roller coaster" legs pretty well. I had a talk with a friend of mine this morning. We were discussing how we have to stay diligent in our thinking. I know for me, I want to get to the point where focusing on the right things is easy but the reality is that its still a focused mental effort to keep my mind in a better place. By accepting that reality, I can do it. Its when I allow myself to indulge in unproductive thought habits that it [censored] me in. Its like I want a little break and to be honest, I can't let myself have that break because its a slippery slope.
It sounds like you are creating a situation where excitement and sexual energy are now focused on you rather than OW. What an amazing turn of events. Its very impressive that you can keep yourself upbeat and detached. Very good for you!
Take care this week and hope things continue to go well for you!
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
I appreciate the ask, although my motto is always, "if ya got sumfin' to say... say it..." 
I can say that people in general... and c'mon... truth is... vets is people, too... lol that it is very difficult to see their own sitchs objectively.