People have asked me about my ex. and why I don't wish her bad things. Honestly, this is it right here. I saw this first hand. The "I don't love you anymore" to the re-weaving history around that thought. I saw the depression and almost frantic chase to re-capture...feeling.
I was told that anger is the easiest emotion to be in contact with. I believe it after watching what she went through. It was very depressing to see this once vibrant woman transform like that.
From there, it was a frantic attempt at getting feeling back and the anger and rage...wow. Was like watching a raging storm. Still is sometimes, but I'm far removed from that as much as I can be with kids.
But I really didn't get it until I started slipping into depression after she left the second time. Those who say crazy is contagious, really meant depression I think. That lasted a short time for me, but the feeling was horrible. Or rather, the lack of feeling. I felt like I would do almost anything to feel again. That voice inside stopped me. I knew it wasn't real and I struggled hard to put it behind me. I worked very hard at PMA and it eventually subsided.
As a man who believes in Christ, I think often our darkest days are when we lose belief and therefore hope. That's a darkness I don't care to revisit.
So I'm happy for her. I'm glad she didn't end her life. I'm sorry she chose me, but then again I'm glad she didn't choose the kids (permanently). I hope for her sake she never goes back to that place she was in.
The lies and the rest? Sure. But I think that's to be expected. People who really know me know better. People that don't... well that's their loss And those that ask, know that it had nothing to do with me. That's good enough for me.
As my counselor once said, it could have been worse
My ex had choices and she chose this path. Via con Dios. And I hope it works out for her. I'll never fully understand, but I am not really sure I want to to be honest. That's a dark place I don't want to go if I have a choice (and I do)...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
And those that ask, know that it had nothing to do with me. That's good enough for me. 
