swimming with turtles and some guidance

[zig]

journaling -

has been a bit of a tough day - not half as bad as what they used to be, but i struggled most of the day with having no expectations.

then suddenly in the evening while i was just sitting there blanching and taking the skins off 2 lbs of almonds, the thought came into my mind - i am reacting to the most recent bomb - and there was this huge relief.

relief to know that i wasn't freaking out completely, coming on the board to write a long long post, cooking up every negative thing i could think about h to make me feel mad so i didn't feel so damn sad. and just realizing that oh my i have moved forward in some way - i'm in a different place than i was, within myself. and just with acknowledging that, all the angst slipped away and i was at more peace.

h is being friendly and nice, but definitely avoiding being around me for too long. he knows the door is open, he can come in anytime - meanwhile, i'm turning to other things...