That is what I want you to see. Stop being the victim and grab your own life
Pulp...
A friend asked me to stop by...
I want you to read what Grit posted to you above...
What does THAT mean to you ?
How are you doing that ????
I saw a few weeks back, where you said that you were going to redo your goals....
What did you come up with ?
I dunno Pulp....
I see you wanting to take the right steps, yet are still looking back over your shoulder to see if she is watching you or not ???
That you are still looking toward her, to define what your future should be.
And that you are waiting for her, to make some major decision, so that you can get on with YOUR life.
See a pattern there ? ^^^^
YOU have a say in how your life looks moving forward.
What happens when she moves ????
How is anything going to be any different for you then ?
Other than you can sit back and say..." well, she left me"
The choices you make today, affect what tomorrow brings.
Nobody said that she can't be in her future. But you have to work toward your future. So that you can have one to offer in return. And who knows, one day, your futures may join together once again.
I have never left the db principles. I did give up. But I'm back to thinking I still want to work on this M and myself.
This may have been the worlds most peaceful separation. No problems. I have been very reasonable and so has she.
Communication since she moved out has been only about S.
I get him half of the week. She gets the other half. We alternate 3 and 4 day times with him.
He has taken to it well. Far better than expected. He has asked some questions like "Why does mom not want to live here anymore. Does she not love us anymore?"
I assured him that mom or myself would never stop loving him.
The conversation was a little more lengthy... but not much. Then it was on to playing Batman and punching and jumping on me.
Being a better person. The biggest flaw I dislike about myself is projecting a pesimistic view. Whenever W or anyone for that matter would ask my opinion of an idea, even if I thought it was a great idea, I would try to let them know what might go wrong with it. I'm trying to lose that part of conversation with others and give more encouragement. It was just a terrible habit. I didn't even notice I would do it.
I've been doing good with that. I have caught myself and I am in the process of making a new habit of pointing out the upside.
Perhaps my most important goal is to be happy again. You know, truly happy. I'm doing fine. But still not myself. It's been almost 6 months on this ride, and while I'm doing better... alot better, I long to be carefree again.
I have made a new 5 yr plan for myself, along with a new budget that sets aside quite a bit for savings. Both investment and building back up accessable money for those curveballs life throws ya.
So Gritter, how long is this journey? What do I have to look forward to? Where should I focus my attention now? Any suggestions?
Oh, and what happened with you and your wife? I read the early part of your story but got to a point where you let go of the rope and then couldn't find what happened next. Maybe you moved out of newcomers.
S has asked me a couple of times to come visit him at W's new place. The first time it was at one of our hand off's and W rolled her eyes at me when he asked and quickly said "Not today." I was relieved that she answered him. But he asked me to come over a second time when we were on the phone. It was bedtime so I had a good enough answer.
I don't even know the address. I believe W wants it this way. I'm fine with letting her have her space.
My question is how should I respond to him when he asks and there is no reason other than "Mommy doesn't want me to." I don't make her look bad, but I don't want to be the bad guy either.
