W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P3

[chatterbug]

I think your realizing the problem you got yourself into here.

You see that you have gone out and improved yourself. Worked on all the issues she had with you.

You owned them. And now you are in a very lopsided place with her. Any issues she has with you... Real or some made up shinola you work on it. She smacks you with EA , PA.

She hangs it like a noose over you. All these faults she has with you. Well guess what. They are off the table. She dealt with these faults by going out and getting involved with OM. That is how she dealt with the "issues".

So take them off the table. No longer issues.

Cause your going to get to a place where if you get back together. You will have improved. Then you will walk on egg shells for the rest of your marriage because you know at any moment she will bring down the hammer of OM to keep you inline.

Frankly she is bringing nothing to the table. You see this. And you determining what to do with it. Well it is going to lead to what I wrote earlier or its going to lead to D.

You gotta stop letting her control your self esteem. You gotta stop fixing yourself for her.

Not wearing a nice pair of slacks vs a nice pair of jeans. That's you. That is not an issue. That is not an excuse for OM. You only said " I love you" when you were being intimate. Now that is an issue. That you owned. And you are working on yourself to be more vocal on this and you are learning about love languages and all that fun stuff. That you say yes. I have addressed this and I am correcting this. You remove it from the table. You address the legitimate issues. The rest. She owned the moment she stepped out of the marriage. That was her way of dealing with it. If she does not like that. Tough shinola. Being in an adult relationship requires equality between the two people involved. She is not working on equality here.

Sit down and write out your list of all the good things and bad things you see in her. Do the same for your marriage and relationship.

This is your list.

This is what you need to know will be worked on by her if you decide to get back together.

It is not a you said this i am saying that. This is your legitimate issues that you have. One's that she will eventually have to own. Because you did not step out of the marriage to resolve those issues. You want to work on them.

Stop being her punching bag for when ever she has a day where everything did not go the way she thought it would in her fantasy/reality world.

Stop listening to the parade of real and imagined faults she has with you.

Stop fixing yourself for her.

You work on yourself for the following reason.

I know that I will be a better man for myself.

Being a better man for myself will make me a better husband.

Being a better man for myself will make me a better father.

You own your real faults. You work on them.

You become comfortable with who you are. Others can work on their problems with their thoughts on what they like and do not like about you.

Time after time the BS takes on all the faults of the relationship. Real or imagined. They toe the line always wondering when it's going to fall apart.

The goal is to create balance and equality. Perhaps for the first time.

Rambling now.... so I will stop.