Im posting thoughts because im feeling very disgusted with XH now.
I realized Im disgusted and frustrated because I still allow his gaslighting to get under my skin, though Im much more aware of what he's doing when he does it. I think my biggest problem is my ego and pride....it infuriates me that someone thinks they can do that to other people, let alone do that to me! But after a few minutes of my own stewing, I understand that this is THEM AND NOT ME. As long as Im aware of what they're doing and why, well no reason in getting worked up about it because it won't change a thing.
Im really frustrated right now because I feel that still to this day that Im put in the position of having to live my life around XH, his wants, his needs, his whims, and whatever he wants.
How do I talk to the man about our children, when he refuses to listen or communicate back to me if I even start the conversation?
I don't understand that if I man says he loves his kids so much and seems to do all he can to spoil them and entertain them when he's with them, why won't he listen to me and at least validate he's listening about the kids issues when I tell him these things?
See what happens is when the issues get DEEP Xh literally stops talking,,, literally. When I addressed the issues months ago the girls had with OW and sadness over divorce, he didn't respond at all to me, but blamed me for all the childrens issues with him! He brings up D12 bedwetting, and I explain to him what I see here in our home and what works and what doesn't. Any response? ABSOLUTELY NONE!
Maybe my expectations are too much, but when we're discussing our children I expect a little more than a one sided conversation, especially when he's the one that brought it up in the first place!
Yesterday I text him Im taking d12 to the MD for a guardisal shot and bedwetting issues. All he asked was if that shot was for allergies. When I explained what it was and that I was working towards getting a new appt for d9 for her hip issue....NOT ONE RESPONSE.
This is the dance he and I do. I do something to make him angry (this time it was me asking if he was at the house) and this is the treatment I get....until the mood strikes him different.
I see that we may be divorced, but we are still doing the same dance steps. I want to stop the dance completely. Yet we still have the kids and we have to have some sort of communication. When communication is nothing but a one sided one, I feel as if it's up to me to do everything and he's to sit there and choose to participate when he chooses.
This is how our marriage had become the last few years. I noticed and I stopped doing all the dance steps. When I stopped doing the dance steps he would jump in.
How in the hell does one stop this distance/pursuit game, and actually get into rythum with one another? Is this possible? I can't ever expect him to meet me half way on anything.
