The other perspective is that you both let your marriage get off track, and your spouse's pain became so acute that their actions seemed the best course of action to end their suffering. In that context, you are not the victim, you are a participant in the problem.

Brilliantly said

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home