This is not looking good! (Long post...)

[Accuray]

Mab1,

You're getting great feedback here. People are terribly resistant to change. How many people do you know who hate their jobs but just keep slugging it out because they are unwilling to do the work to find a new job?

I was reading that people will usually only do the work to look at themselves critically and to change in response to a crisis -- without a crisis there just isn't enough motivation. It's like how some people will only improve their diet and exercise after a heart attack and not before.

Because of this crisis, you now have the motivation to give yourself a self-examination and address what you find that you don't like. This can be a life-changing experience for you in a good way.

The balancing act we all face is this:

You can look at your situation as being your spouse's fault -- they wronged you, they're crazy, they're disrespectful, they're depressed, they have psychological issues, etc etc, it's all about them, what they did, what they didn't do, what they should have done. Your spouse needs to take responsibility, they need to face the consequences of their actions, that type of thinking.

Unfortunately that doesn't lead anywhere but anger and resentment -- it's paralyzing and prevents you from moving forward. It may be valid all or in part, but it doesn't go anywhere.

The other perspective is that you both let your marriage get off track, and your spouse's pain became so acute that their actions seemed the best course of action to end their suffering. In that context, you are not the victim, you are a participant in the problem.

This path opens the door for you to address your role in things -- to come out of this in a healthier place, and that's what DB is all about to me.

Accuray