Wife of 7-Years is Divorcing Me, but Yet Not pt. 9

[jon2911]

WOW. Great news Alamo, I'm praying.

[25yearsmlc]

not to quibble or put a damper on things b/c God knows this is good news...

but how is it NOT "Parental alienation" for her to have prompted this from your son or to have made it all up?

Alamo, your son did not spontaneously blurt it out. I give talks at conferences on this topic and I know what I'm talking about.

Unless your son is around some other person who talks this way

(and even then he'd merely repeat "what Joey says" NOT that "Daddy DID IT...")

your w told him what to say OR more likely she said it or "translated" it...

how you can pretend all is well with her OR WILL BE, here or in SC, is alarming.

You are on notice Alamo. She launched a nuclear weapon at you, and MAYBE it missed. But

She has more...forgive all you want but do NOT let your guard down at all.

She has violated ALL trust,

be very careful.

[alamo76]

25, parental alienation is one dicey topic. He said, she said, etc. Did s/he actually say it? In times of high duress like these, it's so easy to gravitate towards "worst case scenarios".

I'm not disagreeing with being prepared for the worst. Believe me, my guard has been up and will stay up for awhile until proven otherwise. People say I'm stupid/naive/unrealistic to be docile and/or forgiving, especially after the venomous things that have been done/said by my wife, but I believe that (as part of my 180) I need to be Christ-like, i.e. gracious yet vigilant, humble yet wise. The moment I give up and say "I'm only human", the devil has done his work. After all, that's WHY Jesus came among us and instructed us to be more LIKE HIM. I'm not perfect, but to stay imperfect is folly.

Oops, sorry for digressing and the little sermonette (it IS Sunday!).

So yes, I'm aware of the seriousness of my wife's actions (in each case, even if they were encouraged by her attorney, family and/or friends, she made the final decision, therefore I hold her accountable), and have created the necessary tools to protect ourselves (our son and I). Now, if there's ever a change of heart on her part, then I would gladly drop everything and work on creating something new and better WITH her. Of course, I/we would need to create a new set of tools to manage that situation.

UPDATE
On Friday sent my wife an email to ask if I can have supervised time with our son on Sunday (from church time until afternoon).

On Saturday she responds saying that they already have plans. Hmm, baloney is all I can say; she knows that one of the main things our son has in his life right now is his church, and that I've only seen him twice this week (counting last Sunday). Our son's best interest? I don't think so.

This morning I sent her another email asking if I can talk to our son before he goes to bed tonight. She responded: "that will be fine. Call at 7".

So I call at exactly 7 and guess what, no one picks up the phone. She calls @ 7:05 but guess what, she had not prepped our son for the call. I didn't even get to say a single word to him because he was playing with a friend. Any signs of cooperation and co-parenting? You tell me.

This wasn't the only time either. Last Sunday she dropped our son off late with me and my supervisor (she said they had overslept, but I think I remember that there's a device called an alarm clock); it was Sunday worship, but our son had disheveled hair and crinkly clothes. On Tuesday, she did not follow instructions to pick our son from my place even though I had specifically said so TWICE via email...Okay, now I just sound like I'm whining. Anyway, my legal team is aware of all these, so we'll see what direction they suggest.

We have at least two more days of court sessions. Tomorrow's pm session will be my wife's testimonial and cross-exam, while Tuesday morning will be my turn on the stand. Thanks so much y'all for praying for ALL of us during this whole ordeal, and I ask y'all to do the same for us this week.

[Harrier]

I'm sure you have a good handle on things, but a woman who will accuse you of this will probably stop at nothing. Sadly this tactic has a common name SAID, Sexual Allegations in Divorce. One man, who ultimately sued his ex-wife and won $850K in a defamation suit, was accused NINE separate times. He also was awarded full custody.

So really it's more than a he said, she said. You really need to look at it like that. She has for all intents and purpose accused you of a CRIME. You are still giving her the benefit of the doubt. It's clear she still has some sway over you, I mean why are you even talking about if she has a "change of heart." Look what she has accused you of (and she accused you). If my W ever pulled that stuff, I would never want to be with someone like that.

I worry in you effort to be Christ-like you will admit to too much stuff. Back off too much. This isn't really about that. I think you are using your religion as an excuse.

[scaredsilly]

^^^ it's almost as if she is trying to legally "murder" you. I don't think that's the kind of partner I would ever want in my life.

It's a shame she has influence over your son. That's scary.

[MrBond]

Stay strong dude. You can do this.

[25yearsmlc]

this is a tough thing to write but I hope you are really paying attention Alamo, I've been with you the whole time you've posted as best I recall. I'm on your side. But get a helmet on my friend...

25, parental alienation is one dicey topic. He said, she said, etc. Did s/he actually say it? In times of high duress like these, it's so easy to gravitate towards "worst case scenarios".

what are YOU talking about? It's NOT a "she said/he said" thing at all.

She DID say this, and we know that b/c SHE involved other parties to whom she ALSO said it. She "invited" CPS, by tellin them, so now a child shrink has to examine your son

AND THE COURT is involved b/c she told THEM TOO...

It isn't bad parenting she's alleging, it's a CRIME she is claiming happened, and YOU can go to JAIL for it.

I'm not lying about this Alamo. Did you read up on the McMartin case? it ALL began with a divorcing wife in a custody battle, but it lead to innocent bystanders, the daycare workers -ALSO being jailed for years....

What are you thinking Alamo? Hey, This is NOT a test from GOD...


I'm not disagreeing with being prepared for the worst. Believe me, my guard has been up and will stay up for awhile until proven otherwise. People say I'm stupid/naive/unrealistic to be docile and/or forgiving, especially after the venomous things that have been done/said by my wife, but I believe that (as part of my 180) I need to be Christ-like, i.e. gracious yet vigilant, humble yet wise. The moment I give up and say "I'm only human", the devil has done his work.

WTH?
Seems to me, you are falling on your sword in a misguided attempt to prove something, something that will hurt you AND YOUR SON...probably for the rest of HIS life.

You hate conflict so much, maybe you're using this "noble" approach of utter passivity, and putting a mask on it and calling it Christ like.

But isn't it really just more extreme conflict avoidance? You're not the only one who loses by this. Your marriage will lose of course but that's a given. You consistently appear weak in front of her and it gets you where you are now.

But this hurts your son. What a thing to grow up hearing about his dad...

I admit, i don't know what you are thinking right now. I don't get it.
But I wish you'd put HIM FIRST

and not this weird approach that you seem to be wearing like a hair shirt.


After all, that's WHY Jesus came among us and instructed us to be more LIKE HIM. I'm not perfect, but to stay imperfect is folly.

Excuse me??...Are you suggesting it's "Christ like" to allow yourself to be legally/socially crucified

for the SAKE OF YOUR SON BELIEVING YOU MOLESTED HIM?

I'm Catholic but this isn't a theological argument I've heard before...

couldn't just be an unusual way of justifying the "doormat" behavior that requires NOTHING of you? I mean, it's actually easier to do nothing and pray,

than to stand up for yourself and your son, isn't it? Why either or with you?

Oops, sorry for digressing and the little sermonette (it IS Sunday!).

So yes, I'm aware of the seriousness of my wife's actions (in each case, even if they were encouraged by her attorney, family and/or friends, she made the final decision, therefore I hold her accountable), and have created the necessary tools to protect ourselves (our son and I).

I seriously doubt Her attorney knowingly asked her to lie. What do we "know"? We know Your wife lied, period. Others in her family MAY well be willing to as well.

Maybe she first "hypothesized" to her L and he said "write it down" b/c THE LAWYER has a duty to report child abuse in some circumstances...

but it's a foolish game to make up if you are an attorney b/c as an officer of the court, if you make something up or have no good faith basis for saying it, the lawyer loses their practice, their license and you can sue them.


Don't let your wife off the hook with that excuse. She gets away with what you let her off with.

Look to HER...for HER actions. It's all in HER interests make this up so she can move AND take your son, uprooting his whole life and cutting you out of it except under her terms... but you dared to ask for fatherly rights...so now she's cutting you out of his life for good. And you are letting her and calling it the noble way.

It's not noble to give your son up b/c you hate the idea of fighting/confronting your wife (and dealing with your past), MORE than you hate the idea of losing him.

Don't kid yourself... sorry but that's how I see it now.


what TOOLS are YOU getting to protect yourself and your son?


Now, if there's ever a change of heart on her part, then I would gladly drop everything and work on creating something new and better WITH her. Of course, I/we would need to create a new set of tools to manage that situation.

UPDATE
On Friday sent my wife an email to ask if I can have supervised time with our son on Sunday (from church time until afternoon).

OMG...you "ASKED HER IF..."???

I hope at some point you'll hire lawyers who fight AND that you will listen to THEM. Let your Lawyers make formal requests and let her ignore them...



On Saturday she responds saying that they already have plans. Hmm, baloney is all I can say; she knows that one of the main things our son has in his life right now is his church, and that I've only seen him twice this week (counting last Sunday). Our son's best interest? I don't think so.


neither is your constant placating of her. How's that helping your son?

Where's Starsky on this? OR Robx? You need to hear from some men who would pull their hair out when reading this outrageous behavior of hers.

Your supplicating is NOT attractive, obviously. But worse, it's LOSING YOUR CASE AND YOUR SON but you keep doing the same darn thing.




This morning I sent her another email asking if I can talk to our son before he goes to bed tonight. She responded: "that will be fine. Call at 7".

So I call at exactly 7 and guess what, no one picks up the phone. She calls @ 7:05 but guess what, she had not prepped our son for the call. I didn't even get to say a single word to him because he was playing with a friend. Any signs of cooperation and co-parenting? You tell me.

This wasn't the only time either. Last Sunday she dropped our son off late with me and my supervisor (she said they had overslept, but I think I remember that there's a device called an alarm clock); it was Sunday worship, but our son had disheveled hair and crinkly clothes. On Tuesday, she did not follow instructions to pick our son from my place even though I had specifically said so TWICE via email...Okay, now I just sound like I'm whining. Anyway, my legal team is aware of all these, so we'll see what direction they suggest.



she does not respect you or care what you think.

She has all the power b/c she knows you won't "fire a weapon" legally OR behaviorally, and she HAS

and she will keep on firing til she gets it all.

Then you'll wonder what happened...


We have at least two more days of court sessions. Tomorrow's pm session will be my wife's testimonial and cross-exam, while Tuesday morning will be my turn on the stand. Thanks so much y'all for praying for ALL of us during this whole ordeal, and I ask y'all to do the same for us this week.

[25yearsmlc]

we're pulling for you Alamo.

I know you think I'm being too hard on you but I really want you to wake up and get this b/c I care.

Be strong.

((( )))

[jon2911]

So what's up Alamo?

[alamo76]

Hey family, here's a little update on my sitch:

My wife and I went through two BIG days of our custody case at the local courthouse. Everything was presented and the judge will be reserving his judgement for next Tuesday (July 3). All allegations against me have been officially dropped and the temporary supervised visitation order has been lifted.

There three outcomes that came come out of this:
1. Our son remains here in CA
2. Our son is split 50:50 between CA and SC (where my wife wants to be)
3. The court recommends me to move to SC w/ mom and E

Based on the closing statements from the judge alone, the last one is probably unlikely. The gist of it is that the judge was not amused with my wife (and her lawyers). I'll be more than happy to fill you in with more information if you like. There's just so much that went on that I think I'd go nuts just trying to write everything here in one sitting.

Then last night, here's what occurred:

My wife came unannounced to my house last night and basically cried her heart out and confessed her faults to me. She was not rude or judgmental like the previous time she knocked on my door awhile back. I was cautious the entire time, but I'm 85% sure that the things she said were heart-felt and sincere. Here are some of the things she/I brought up (not exactly in chronological order):

- She said she feels lost and is living a nightmare
- She apologized profusely with the knowledge that she's been hurting E because of what she's done to me over the past two years
- She admited that over the two years she has become what she had tried so hard to not be: like her family. They are vengeful, hateful and toxic
- She wants to all three of us (her, E and I) to be together; she doesn't want to see E hurting anymore
- I made my stand on the reasons why I don't intend on moving to SC and my wife says she understands and says that I have every right to that
- She noticed that I have a wall up around myself and she said she understands; I said that it's more of a boundary
- She kept apologizing while postrating on the ground; I said I wasn't angry with her, but I reminded her why I've created boundaries
- She feels like God cannot forgive her or even look at her; I reassured her otherwise
- I confessed my faults to her that led to her leaving; she acknowledged that she enabled it also
- I confessed that I didn't place God as #1 during our marriage and that allowed Satan to play with our faults. I also mentioned that in order for anything to possibly work between us, God needs to be right there at the top. She agreed
- I offered to pray before she left. She accepted and we held hands as we talked to God for awhile
- I gave her a hug at the door

There was a little talk in-between about her work, or lack of work if she stays here. I told her that I really hope that she'd be able to achieve her dream of being a doctor, but I tried to make it clear that it's her career now, not mine. I guess she has to make some tough decisions right now.

With all that said, I'm not sure what to make of this. I'm still keeping my channels open, but at the same time keeping my stance and expectations on an even keel. It's possible that she's desperate and is reacting desperately. It's also possible that she's truly hit rock bottom and needs all the help to get back up. I feel that I know her enough that she was experiencing the latter. Only time will tell.

She did not pressure me or lay expectations or caveats to guilt me into moving to SC. And if I felt she implied it, I made it clear that I won't move UNTIL (a) she is in a better place and (b) WE are in a better place.

Until then I'm staying my position, but I am tempted to text her to thank her for her courage to talk to me last night. Hmmm...