Thread #7 - What goes down, might come up.

[Navyguy]

I suggest there is value to you in what the Stockdale Paradox professes.

JS - I struggle with this, but agree that there is great benefit. I think the way I need to apply it is to know that no matter what happens on a daily basis or how things turn out, I will come out of this ok.

Flirtatious comments are one thing but "liking" the FB photos? Big deal.

25 - I agree...I am wasting my time getting spun up over this. That is why I deactivated FB...NOTHING that happens on there really matters.

the real issue is she wants out of the marriage- in every way but financial

You're right, and that's what an objective look at her actions tell me.

You need to be free of this relationship. Do you see that?

I don't know. I think I do at times...and during those times all I think about is what a relief it would be to end all the drama and to stop living with someone that "can't" be nice to me. But then there are times where I am unwilling to accept that my M is over.

Navy I worry that you really need more IC than you are getting.

Probably a legitimate worry since I haven't been to IC in almost a year now. I am starting again this week. Also getting back on some AD meds.

BUT THEN targetting the Facebook garbage is symptomatic of you wanting to point at SOMETHING ---ANYTHING

Just want to make sure I understand this - are you saying that I am grasping at straws, looking for some reason to blame W for what is going on?

but the reality is your w checked out 3 years ago and you let her.

I agree that she checked out 3 (or more) years ago - but I don't understand what you mean when you say "I let her"?

You admit you have only been in r's with women who don't treat you well, correct? And you have a terrifying fear of being alone or not married to this cruel cold miserable woman.

if you are half the man I think you are, you ought to be running to the L's office.(God help me for saying that but THIS MARRIAGE is a real bummer for a very nice sounding guy...IDK- maybe you're a great liar or ugly as sin but I don't think so...) You are just afraid and it's paralyzed you for 3 years now.

I would say that I've probably never experienced true, unconditional love from a woman for any significant period of time. Maybe it was there at one point with W - but I think she has always resented me for one reason or another throughout the years.

I do have a fear of being alone - that is probably a good part of why I have accepted the status quo for so long.

I think I am a pretty decent guy. I've never had a problem getting along with anyone except W. Nobody's ever told me to put a bag on my head. And I am definitely not lying on here. I know you're only getting my side of the story, but I try to represent W fairly. In fact, I found myself defending W to both of my previous IC's.

My mom also told me that she really wants me to go see a L. You and her are probably the two wisest women I know and both of you are typically very much against D...I think it's time to listen. Not sure if I'm ready to file or not yet...but getting over to the L's office is the first step. Even if I do, VA has a 1-year waiting period when there's kids involved.

I don't think OM is important enough to bring up but you know how I feel.

Agreed. I gave W my word in writing that I wouldn't bring it up again, and I plan to keep my word. I didn't mention this previously, but he is active duty Navy - an E-6 with 18 years in. He'd be taking a huge risk by going after W. I think he also has orders to move to Bahrain this summer.

Maybe your w is hot and gorgeous, and maybe when she's NOT around you, she's a fun partying friendly happy active woman...but ....really?

So she has no skills that pay well AND has 2 small kids. Um, you think she's that great a catch for a younger man to have a real r with?

My W is attractive. When she's not around me and hanging out with friends, she's typically drinking, so of course she's going to be fun, happy, etc. This guy is not younger than W...I think he is 38 or 39. I think he's more likely looking to "get some" from W than to establish a long term R with her.

No more wordy letters, please. She probably felt it was an "ordeal" or "chore" to read through. Sorry but it's just way way way too long.

I skimmed it twice before I FORCED myself to read it all. Sorry, but that says something.

Agree - it was WAY too many words. Thanks for taking the time to read it though. W did mention on Saturday that it was kind of good to communicate that way - I think leaving the emotions out of the conversation helps us both understand where the other person is coming from.

I cannot wait for you to get on the other side of this lake b/c you are going to be a man only a fool would leave

if you keep your strength up...it's like working out. Being a strong man.

make sense?

Yup, got it. I know the AD's and IC will help. Playing with the kids is always great too. I am also starting to ramp up my training for the Marine Corps Marathon in October. So that's a good thing to focus on.

Thanks again for your devotion to this board. While I know my sitch has been hard to watch at times, I promise you and everyone that's helped me that, when this is all said and done, I will make you proud.