Snowman, I rarely post anymore. I sort of wore out my space here for awhile. But I can sympathize with your situation. Read those books, and dozens more too. I was a typical MNG, and I probably still am - I'm not sure we can really change our personalities much. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I know you want to find the perfect words to convince your W that she's been wrong and see the light. Like if we tell them, hey, I'm not taking this anymore they'll finally get it and stop. If you're like me, you've given that a lot of thought.

But Kaffe Diem is making a good point, as usual. Those words probably don't exist. It doesn't really matter if you TELL her that you're not going to be a "nice guy" anymore - she wouldn't believe it anyway. And it's not even about SHOWING her. It's not about her at all. It's just about DOING it....for you. Getting some distance. Getting stronger.

Do you find it all very ironic? I did. All of my natural reactions were eusually the worse things to do. All of the suggestions - which I knew in my gut were right - were so hard to do. I couldn't decide to stay in my M until I had the strength to leave. Before that it wasn't a decision - I was trapped.

Of course the pain and resentment is normal. It's motivation for change, which is hard.

Work on your support system. I couldn't do it by myself - I needed to build a support system. And that included IC and occasionally some ADs - I used to feel bad for this, my advice is not to share this with your W right now - building up a few good friendships, reading, getting out and doing something (anything! staying busy). I read here that it is not helpful to tell friends and family what is going on - it makes reconciliation harder. But I found two people and who were outside of the M circle and told them most of it, and some others I would tell that "things are tough right now". That's it. They knew anyway. But that's just me, and maybe it wasn't smart. But I felt I deserved a least a little support from a few friends.

Well, all this is just to say that you're not alone and I'm pulling for you.