How many licks does it take...?

[2thepoint]

Just now wrapping up a very nice few days with dear friends who make me feel good and with whom I can talk about things that matter and who truly understand. I'm feeling a little blue because the visit is coming to a close and it is going to be a long time before I see these folks again. We'll still be able to connect in the alt but seeing these friends in person is so much better!

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Came across an email that my W sent me the other day but only discovered today that also has me feeling down. I may have mentioned previously that my W is planning a trip back east to see her parents and because both parents have reached a significant milestone this year, the entire family will be coming together for a celebration. In the email, W tells me that she has been reluctant to address this and knows it will make me feel bad, but she intends to go to this family event with the kids but does not want me to go.

Further, she thinks that we could tell the kids that I'm not able to make it, similar to times in the past. The problem though, is it's not true. She doesn't want me to go, period. And the notion that she wants to be deceptive with the kids also bothers me. Who does she think she is protecting? Me? The kids? Herself?

So this news really blows. It is yet one more indication that my W is intent on moving on and that just means that I have to accept that this is my reality and move on myself. I had hoped that we'd be able to work things out, but with an unwilling W, all I'm doing is beating my head against the wall and not allowing my heart to heal.

Gotta keep moving forward.