You know how to deal with the new R as you've been giving great advice for a long time and I have absolute confidence that you can listen to your own advice.
I have no worries about YOU in this situation. None.
Your question involves her children. I will speak on that.
Please consider this-
As their mother, her decision regarding when to introduce you is her call.
However, also remember that these kids have their own lives and must learn to deal with their realities. Their reality entails their parents divorcing; two homes (presuming they go back and forth); all the personal issues that come with parental divorce (abandonment issues; new men/women coming into their lives; possible self blame for the D; etc)
THIS is their reality. So why would you two strive to shelter them from it? Pretending she is single is silly. Kids aren't dumb. Even if they know mom is on a date, do you think they would ask "Why is mom hiding this guy? Is he weird? Is she embarassed by us so keeps him away? Does she wish we weren't here so she could have him here instead"
My opinion (and MY intention, as I have children) is that I will involve my kids in my full life. If things don't work out w date, then it gives me an opportunity to talk to my kids about R's and REALITY!!
The best advice I ever heard (nickel to where it came from; can't recall) is this-
Accept that you have absolutely ZERO hope of not screwing up your kids in some way. NADA. ZIP! All you CAN do is give them the personal skills and knowledge as to how to DEAL with whatever screw up you give them. (You know, the dysfunction skills we didn't understand and brought us to where WE found ourselves) Why deny these kids that exposure?
Live in reality. It's a relationship and it may or may not last. No Expectations, right? By not involving the kids once you two have decided to "commit/be exclusive", you are shielding EVERYONE from the full dynamics of what this relationship should be/will be!
How to treat the kids? Answer is "small adults". You should aspire to be their friend. An opportunity to impart what you know to others. And you know a lot, Gritter.
Let them know you. You have a lot to give, my friend
Control is impossible Detach from the emotion of this Be your natural self Earn back your self-respect Assign responsibility equally Realize this process will improve you
