swimming with turtles and some guidance

[zig]

How would you feel if you had replied just after he said he was going to D you: H, do what you need to do, right now I need time to think. Good night. ?

i did say the do what you need to do, i respect your wishes etc. and several times in the subsequent hour i thought about ending it with a casual goodnight.

but i chose myself to let the conversation go on - not like before where h pulled me into it. heck labug, he was validating some of my hurts , he was owning stuff, he was (after the d stuff) telling me how messed up he was - he needed to talk, and he said so several times.

i kept my space, i didn't so much as hint at pursuing - i could sense that he was trying to get me to change his mind, practically putting the words in my mouth

if i had done what you suggested - i would have done more of the same as i have done these past months, which obviously isn't working. what i did was allow him to come closer - the other way was withdrawing, and what joann and i discussed was that it seems the more i withdraw the more he withdraws. the more i allow, the closer he seems to come. the message i would have given him if i had done that was 'i don't like what you are doing" = i'm not going to validate your feelings=i am really angry with you (his biggest fear that keeps him away). what i did for once was just validate my own needs.

And I con't think it's complicated at all.

did you mean can't or don't?
did you mean that kd's questions aren't complicated,or the situation isn't complicated?

if you meant the second - no, i agree i don't think it was complicated at all - it may be for him, but not for me.

what was weird last night was that it felt as if we were doing it for the first time - the whole rush - the bike ride - sort of like how you just meet someone and you're just going to go for it kind of feeling. very weird!!!

you're right life will go on:)

thanks
zig