Opti!!!!!

Wahoooooooo!!!!!!

You are an inspiration. Your strength, your belief that you can be happy by yourself, your openness to H coming back into your life (for real this time I think!!!!), your optimism You are great!!!!

I agree with what people are saying here.... Be patient, don't push, give him space, focus on your R, not an old R with OW. He came back TO YOU. He wants to fix things.

I just want to add one thing... Patience does not mean waiting forever to address your own needs, just putting them on hold for a bit. Remember that when your patience wears thin, lol. And, remember that when your pain starts coming up. At some point, it needs to be addressed, resolved, so that you can both move on and have a really great M. You will know when your M is strong enough, and then ask for what YOU want. I don't want to see you stuck, spinning in circles, because your pain and needs go ignored. That only happens if you let it So, patience for now, just remember you still matter, and you will be able to take care of you more in the M in time.

Also, if your H really wants to work hard and try to fix things.... and asks how.... you don't want to stonewall him by acting as if everything is fine.... I think I'd find that very frustrating, anyway.... Give him a way back ... a way to gain your trust, to let you feel safe, to love you like you want to be loved... Maybe you can work together to find solutions? Address a concern of his, then a concern of yours, back and forth, give and take, **when the time is right.**

And, of course, I'm a big fan of detachment, lol. For me, detaching's not just for DBing anymore, but a way of life. I think it is so important to any healthy happy R.

Hang in there, you. Keep treating yourself right. It may not be easy, progress may (almost surely, lol) be followed by set backs. But Opti, I really think you have an excellent chance at growing the wonderful M you want. New R time!!!! How exciting!!!!

Mucho Hugs,
Acorn