Just an update....This weekend was like a revelation. H had spent the weekend with GF doing something I'd originally wanted to do with him before separation. Because of various things, I was happy I wasn't there at all! Today when I got home from friends I liked a photo on his fb page and he texted me to say he hoped I'd had a good time he was sure I did. I said I hoped he'd had a good time and he told me a bit about the weekend. Said they were heading back that they were exhausted. (oh who cares)

This weekend there was 3 things that happened

first I stayed with a girl that I am friends with but not super close. I knew things weren't great with her long term BF but being in the house with two people who live like roommates was really sad. Hearing how she talked to him, listening to her say that she was unhappy, wanted to leave, given up on all hope of marriage or kids at her age, doesn't know how she can leave...I am so so so so so so so so happy that all of that is out of my life. I am immensely proud of myself that I found the strength and courage when I felt the lowest to not stay in a soul destroying sitch. Looking back yes I would have chose to make changes differently...I would have tried to work on things before ending it. But the bottom line: in the fight or flight response I chose one of the two instead of living in a state of fear.

Second, I was in a beautiful city, in a very upmarket neighborhood, I spent my time at coffee shops, cafes, antique shops, boutiques, I could go on and on. But it was as if I had a refill of me. I rarely thought of H. (especially being confronted with an unhappy relationship) I was surrounded with an hint of how my life is becoming and how I will continue making it that way.

Third, I met someone. Okay okay okay calm down. When I say I met someone I mean literally that. I just met someone who was all the things I could/would consider in a potential partner. Nothing transpired except me thinking H isn't the only option. The old Brit party girl would have handled meeting someone like this in a very different way. New Brit? doesn't even know if she'll ever see him again and that doesn't matter. It was a real eye opener to meet someone and see yourself through their eyes.

And so every day all my fears become less troublesome because I keep opening more windows or doors.