25's advice was so right on, but felt instinctivly wrong for me. Going dark and working on me felt so much more logical, and now I know WHY. Funny what a little walk can do for ya!
This fact might not be known, or might not have been factored in, but...
Litteraly a year ago we were in the same place. After a yr of emotonial hell I was the WAW. We were in the same home living on separate floors. After a few months of this, H goes home for the 4th of July. Sees highschool sweetheart and falls "in love" the 2 weeks he is there. Less than a few weeks later OW moves to our state to be with him.
They are living out their fantasy. Meanwhile, I was db and didn't even know it. I was happy for him and kept to myself. I got my butt in school and was working on ME. I guess that made me more attractive bc we started having sex again. Little did I know he quickly (4 weeks ltr) came out of his fog and was looking at me again.
He kissed me and casualy asked me out of no where if I wanted to give things another try, and I said yes. That was it. She went back home within two weeks and we were a family again. He understood the reasons behind me becoming a WAW and he made changes. By October things were amazing.
Idk why but the old him resurfaced in December. He was treating me the same as before and I was beyond devestated. Things had gotten so bad that by Christmas Eve I was bawling telling him I couldn't take the pain/mistreatment anymore. There was no reaction. And thus I moved out a month later, which is where my story really begins.
Now I find myself in the same predicament. Would I love to see this sitch DBed? Heck yes. But I'm not going about it the same way. I don't want the same results. I know it's easy to argue that the goal is to get the OP back home, and then focus on the M. Didn't work. The SAME MAN came back to me, meaning I ended up in the SAME RELATIONSHIP. He even admitted to me 3 weeks ago that he didn't give it his all.
How refreshing that feels to step back and get some footing. Now I understand my feelings. He never felt my absence. He never truly felt the aftershock of the bomb. He never had to miss me, I was always there. He wasn't forced to speculate what he did that led to the demise. He never took a hard look at himself to see why he was so unhappy. No 180s. He never walked down the road that every other LBS walks down. And that's why he returned to his old behaviors. His changes wernt real.
The worst thing he did was break my heart. But the best thing he ever did was show me how amazing and strong I am. Obviously I want to see the M work, that's why I hang out here. But I also know that I'm gonna be ok no matter what. He's still miserable right now, lost and looking for instant gratification with OW.
Perhaps he lacks the courage to go down the LBS road. It's hard and it hurts, we all know that. He could see the LBS road, get scared and detour to marriage with OW. He will continue his same old bahavior and be unhappy. If that's what he's gonna do I'm happy to let H do it to OW and not me.
Damn I think I really did detach. I feel pretty great right now.
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
