Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Journaling/rambling for the day.
I am feeling pretty low at the moment right now. I wrote a letter to H in a journal (saved me from calling him about it tonight) so there is a plus...no talking about the same ol' same ol'.
I think we had some good interactions today - but after last Sunday of him empathetically telling me we will NEVER EVER get back together, I admit my confidence is shot.

H came over for S, but S ended up playing all today with visiting Grandpa, so H and I watched tv and talked about the shows. He also played video games and talked to me about it (kind of like years and years ago). H made a comment today about 'when YOU go buy YOUR house in (SW state) be sure to use the realtor from before.' I didn't expect him to include himself in this, but I was surprised he was so blase about me and S moving there. No d talk. I didn't say anything about that and continued watching his game.
I got 2 workouts done today, and he and s were outside and H invited me to play. Afterwards, I stayed upstairs for the remainder of the night, H involved me in him and S's funny stuff tonight, and I asked H if I should wait to watch the movie he didn't see, or if I could watch it (which I ended up doing as he walked out the door - a big change for me to 1) watch a movie and 2) do it WITHOUT him).

I guess all good signs. But I am feeling sorry for myself it seems. I don't have the confidence today, and I know that I haven't made any progress in getting in shape like I wanted to for years and years... I feel like I'm letting myself down by continuing this way. The possible OW was so much larger than me - which confuses me. He always wanted me to be get into shape, he'd introduce me to people who were runners, or who had lost a lot of weight. I let him (and me down) in that. I run, i exercise, I don't lose weight - unless I eat 1000 calories then I lose weight. Sigh.

I am trying to provide a stress-free home, as he wants 'no responsibilities'.



So bring on the 2x4's or something.
I know I need patience and to set my weight-loss goal as a priority too.