Dear 25 I think you got the wrong rachael. Alright, yea I was focusing on the OW too much yesterday and today. Yes, I'm being vindictive about OW. Comes in waves. Well, I did get a little pissed at his comment about being a good girl he sounds like a dad! How bout him being a good boy? My patience is wearing thin today. We were supposed to go to the graduation party and he told me he would work out and come back and get me. That was at 2:30. He told me the party ended at 6:00. By 4:15 I tried to call, no answer so I went to the party by myself. 45 min later, I texted. Told him I got tired of waiting. He said he was on his way.
Later, when we got home I asked him what happened. He said he stopped at a store for the computer (having trouble with it and needed to talk to someone) then went out. I told him I was upset because he didn't call to tell me he was doing so and would be late. He said he didn't mean to be rude. The problem, I said was that I never crossed your mind. You did see that I called yet you didn't give me the courtesy of a reply. This behavior is not new. He just doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about me waiting so I left. He did apologize after that. Again, I was calm. No yelling or calling names or swearing.
I said the following and I was calm. I told him that I want to feel like I am loved and that he has regard for me and I do not. I said that I am tired of being his roomate with him avoiding me and sleeping in the bed far apart. I want a husband. I told him if he felt he would be happier somewhere else he may go and I will not cry or beg. I want him to be happy. He said "do you think I would be happy somewhere else" I don't know but I told him that his overbusyness and making plans without me on the boat, going to the bar, hanging with his friends and not wanting to be with me is not how I want to live the rest of my life. He said that thats always how it's been (not the bar but the busyness and doing his own thing). I told him I don't want to do it any more. We don't have a marriage. Are we done workin on it?
Still confused, didn't say much. Asked me what I thought about counseling, he knows but I told him the balls in his court. If the man wants to leave so be it. Sorry but I feel like a damn doormat.
