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[JustStunned]

@Val: Thanks for the feedback. You are right of course. Very little has change in her outlook. The sniping at me through other family continues. We are connected through our children and the extended family that is local. I see no reason to abandon family, so she needs to learn more constructive ways to deal with her issues about my presence and connections with them. Sooner would be better.

Journaling:More mundane BS from the death throes of this sitch.

Shortly after this drama began I spoke with XW about what I saw as some of the downsides to her decision. She was rather hostile when she told me not to even try to go there, that this was her decision and I had to live with it. Throughout this she has maintained steadfast her determination to see it through and that as she expressed to me one night “There is nothing more I need you for”.

Here we are 18 months later. Judgment entry filed working through the last few items of the divorce decree. I knew something was not right. By now her distribution from my 401K should have occurred. Before I called my attorney about this on Friday I received an email from XW.

XH

We notified “Your Lawyer” mid May we need one sentence changed to say I would pay what I owe out of the money from you which he had suggested. I was unable to qualify for a loan. He has not responded to my lawyer at all. We are coming down to the deadline. My only option is to turn over my 401K I am in the process of making that happen. Can you call “Your Lawyer” to get this process moving so the full amount is paid?

XW

So I called my L and found XW is having financial difficulty and wants the judgment entry amended so that she may use the 401K distribution as regular funds as soon as it is awarded. My L has made two changes and communicated the changes to her L each time to verify what she needed, prior to communicating the needed change to me for my approval.

I received and reviewed a copy of the amended qudro document late last night. The change does not affect me more than any of the rest of this would have. I see no good to come from using a refusal to affect her negatively. I will verbally confirm my understanding of the change with my L on Monday and provided I still find it acceptable acquiesces to the changes.

Today I received the following email from XW in my for work email.

XH

No response from your lawyer so It will be the 401K money I had in holding at with the taxes taken out. All he had to do was change one sentence and it would have been paid in full. But you will have enough to refinance I will just have to keep paying on my credit cards until paid off.

XW

While I appreciate her frustration there is nothing for me to do other than what I have already planned to do. This email does not warrant a response from me to her.

These changes in her use of her distribution of my 401K and liquidation minus penalties from her 401K will increase her tax burden and leave her with little beyond SS to retire on in 17 years. I do not think she fully realizes the ramifications. I take no joy in this. I do feel a little pity. I am looking forward and need to get my own house in order.