Husband had affair and I believe is in MLC

[25yearsmlc]

Got a question for anyone
In dealing with MLC, if a h wants to go out with his friends two or 3 times a week like mine has been doing like sailing and going to the bar,should I just let him go and say nothing? If he asks if its okay with me should I say yeah? I don't think it's okay. I want to say no it is not. I feel he is running away. I also feel he doesn't want to be alone with me sometimes.


do NOT SAY what you don't mean. Do not say "it's okay" and then pout or seethe with resentment. Be an adult and own your words.

Either own the responsibility of saying "No", which means you risk that he may go anyhow OR he might stay but resent you for "making" him stay

or say yes happily and release him without anger-

OR see what might make him WANT to stick around...

e.g., "oh, I was hoping we could spend some alone time together, " and then list something HE loves doing...

OR flirt if that's something you are alright with now, and hint at more (but mean it)

AND OR be honest and say "I wish you'd stay here and spend some time w/me b/c I feel like we really need it. But if you are feeling confined or pent up, then I'd prefer you go out and blow off some steam" and mean it...



Last week we went out to dinner and he wanted to know if any of the kids were around and wanted to go.He's been asking that every time we go to dinner together. In the past we would go and have time by ourselves. When I told him no he said "oh the hell with it, you and I will just go and I'll even buy you dessert because you've been a good girl" I said "What!?" That statement pissed me off. He said "oh I'm just kidding"

Rachael,

Dial your emotions way back. You are not ready to be around him or alone with him if THAT comment made you mad...and it did.

And THEN HE had to "apologize" for it!!

I think you admitted you have a temper-and are working on it, so now that he's NOT seeing the anger, and he's saying something nice about that, you got angry at him...geez, see a pattern here?


but I think he said it because earlier he told me since I have been calm and no big emotions that it helped him.

what's wrong with him saying that?

After dinner he wanted to get me home quick so he could meet his friends at the bar.

Did he TELL you that was why or are you mind reading?

We have a graduation party tonight and I don't think he is going to go anywhere after that tonight but I'm thinkin he might tomorrow.

so, back to YOU and YOUR LIFE...

do you see how much dependence is here? How you are minutely studying HIS words/thoughts/comments/actions and then relating them all to YOU, and

NOT putting your focus on the kids or your own work? And you are negatively interpreting most things...

Read the books again if you have to. Did you read the "Five Love Languages"?

What did you think?