Well, I found out today that the priest who peformed the wedding of the ow and her h (now they are divorced),Is my parish priest! I have looked at that website many times and just now noted it. This gal likes attention. She's easy to find on the internet. The wedding story was on her church website and had pics of her wedding. Said it would last forever. So much for that. This priest used to be at that church, now is at ours across town.
Part of me wants to tell the priest cuz he knows her. She's on the parish council and is a big history buff about the church. Yada Yada. But I don't know. Maybe I should leave it alone. Karma will get her.
I would leave it alone for now. Things have a way of coming to light when you least expect it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Got a question for anyone In dealing with MLC, if a h wants to go out with his friends two or 3 times a week like mine has been doing like sailing and going to the bar,should I just let him go and say nothing? If he asks if its okay with me should I say yeah? I don't think it's okay. I want to say no it is not. I feel he is running away. I also feel he doesn't want to be alone with me sometimes.
Last week we went out to dinner and he wanted to know if any of the kids were around and wanted to go.He's been asking that every time we go to dinner together. In the past we would go and have time by ourselves. When I told him no he said "oh the hell with it, you and I will just go and I'll even buy you dessert because you've been a good girl" I said "What!?" That statement pissed me off. He said "oh I'm just kidding" but I think he said it because earlier he told me since I have been calm and no big emotions that it helped him. After dinner he wanted to get me home quick so he could meet his friends at the bar.
We have a graduation party tonight and I don't think he is going to go anywhere after that tonight but I'm thinkin he might tomorrow.
Hey Snodderly, My husband knows that the priest was at that church. I had forgotten that he told me. I know alot about this OW. My husband does not know what I know as far as her last name, some of her activities etc. He wouldn't tell me her last name because he thought I might do something. Geez! He probably knows that the priest married her, she may have mentioned it. I found out because there must have been a big media event surrounding her wedding 5 years ago. Sure didn't last long.
My girlfriend told me that my H told her husband that the OW persued him. She may be a big ole liar and serial cheater cuz he never went to her house he says. Heck she could still be married! I even know where she lives but I'm not doing anything about that.
Rachael, Please do not get offended when I say this, but you are not his mother, i.e., "you do not let him do anything". You have absolutely no control over this man and the only person who does is himself and the man upstairs and I know you know that. Whether he asks you if it's okay or not, he's going to go and do the things he wants when he wants to. He is running away and he doesn't always want to be w/you, especially alone. Maybe it's because of the discussions that you've had in the past and he doesn't want to get into those type of discussions w/you again. Generally when there is a third party or the children are there, maybe the discussions remain neutral. I do believe that mlcers like to have third parties around just to keep the situations neutral and safe for them.
From what you posted, it appears that you've been rather calm nonconfrontational w/him. He felt safer and yes, mlcers can't stand people who are emotional, i.e., it makes them feel very guilty and they will run faster than the speed of light to get away from us when we are that way.
He definitely is acting like a teenager running to the bar to meet up w/his friends and chatting. Who knows, the guys may be very young and your h is the older one having the time of his life.
If you go to the graduation party, enjoy yourself and leave the mlc monster at the door.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey Snodderly, My husband knows that the priest was at that church. I had forgotten that he told me. I know alot about this OW. My husband does not know what I know as far as her last name, some of her activities etc. He wouldn't tell me her last name because he thought I might do something. Geez! He probably knows that the priest married her, she may have mentioned it. I found out because there must have been a big media event surrounding her wedding 5 years ago. Sure didn't last long.
My girlfriend told me that my H told her husband that the OW persued him. She may be a big ole liar and serial cheater cuz he never went to her house he says. Heck she could still be married! I even know where she lives but I'm not doing anything about that.
well, you are spending a ton of emotional and mental energy and time on that/OW...
how is YOUR work on YOU going?
How are your children?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Got a question for anyone In dealing with MLC, if a h wants to go out with his friends two or 3 times a week like mine has been doing like sailing and going to the bar,should I just let him go and say nothing? If he asks if its okay with me should I say yeah? I don't think it's okay. I want to say no it is not. I feel he is running away. I also feel he doesn't want to be alone with me sometimes.
do NOT SAY what you don't mean. Do not say "it's okay" and then pout or seethe with resentment. Be an adult and own your words.
Either own the responsibility of saying "No", which means you risk that he may go anyhow OR he might stay but resent you for "making" him stay
or say yes happily and release him without anger- OR see what might make him WANT to stick around...
e.g., "oh, I was hoping we could spend some alone time together, " and then list something HE loves doing...
OR flirt if that's something you are alright with now, and hint at more (but mean it)
AND OR be honest and say "I wish you'd stay here and spend some time w/me b/c I feel like we really need it. But if you are feeling confined or pent up, then I'd prefer you go out and blow off some steam" and mean it...
Last week we went out to dinner and he wanted to know if any of the kids were around and wanted to go.He's been asking that every time we go to dinner together. In the past we would go and have time by ourselves. When I told him no he said "oh the hell with it, you and I will just go and I'll even buy you dessert because you've been a good girl" I said "What!?" That statement pissed me off. He said "oh I'm just kidding" Rachael, Dial your emotions way back. You are not ready to be around him or alone with him if THAT comment made you mad...and it did.
And THEN HE had to "apologize" for it!!
I think you admitted you have a temper-and are working on it, so now that he's NOT seeing the anger, and he's saying something nice about that, you got angry at him...geez, see a pattern here?
but I think he said it because earlier he told me since I have been calm and no big emotions that it helped him. what's wrong with him saying that?
After dinner he wanted to get me home quick so he could meet his friends at the bar. Did he TELL you that was why or are you mind reading?
We have a graduation party tonight and I don't think he is going to go anywhere after that tonight but I'm thinkin he might tomorrow.
so, back to YOU and YOUR LIFE...
do you see how much dependence is here? How you are minutely studying HIS words/thoughts/comments/actions and then relating them all to YOU, and NOT putting your focus on the kids or your own work? And you are negatively interpreting most things...
Read the books again if you have to. Did you read the "Five Love Languages"?
What did you think?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well, I found out today that the priest who peformed the wedding of the ow and her h (now they are divorced),Is my parish priest! I have looked at that website many times and just now noted it. This gal likes attention. She's easy to find on the internet. The wedding story was on her church website and had pics of her wedding. Said it would last forever. So much for that. This priest used to be at that church, now is at ours across town. Part of me wants to tell the priest cuz he knows her. She's on the parish council and is a big history buff about the church. Yada Yada. But I don't know. Maybe I should leave it alone. Karma will get her.
wow, there's just Way too much about HER in your head and life.
why would you tell the priest? Or did you mean telling the parish? And the goal is what? Are you reporting your h or just OW?
How do you think your h would view you or YOUR actions then?
Is this desire coming from a healthy place in your heart, or a dark self righteous place that feels wronged, and wants revenge? We know the answer....
it's not your job to mete out justice. It's up to God.
Besides, the best "revenge" is a life well lived.
Maybe I'm confusing you with another Racheal
but didn't you leave your h first, taking the kids with you? Then he GAL and found OW, and THEN you wanted to reconcile? Now you want to show him how YOU have changed. And that marriage to you can be better/different.
What are you doing to show that to him?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Dear 25 I think you got the wrong rachael. Alright, yea I was focusing on the OW too much yesterday and today. Yes, I'm being vindictive about OW. Comes in waves. Well, I did get a little pissed at his comment about being a good girl he sounds like a dad! How bout him being a good boy? My patience is wearing thin today. We were supposed to go to the graduation party and he told me he would work out and come back and get me. That was at 2:30. He told me the party ended at 6:00. By 4:15 I tried to call, no answer so I went to the party by myself. 45 min later, I texted. Told him I got tired of waiting. He said he was on his way.
Later, when we got home I asked him what happened. He said he stopped at a store for the computer (having trouble with it and needed to talk to someone) then went out. I told him I was upset because he didn't call to tell me he was doing so and would be late. He said he didn't mean to be rude. The problem, I said was that I never crossed your mind. You did see that I called yet you didn't give me the courtesy of a reply. This behavior is not new. He just doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about me waiting so I left. He did apologize after that. Again, I was calm. No yelling or calling names or swearing.
I said the following and I was calm. I told him that I want to feel like I am loved and that he has regard for me and I do not. I said that I am tired of being his roomate with him avoiding me and sleeping in the bed far apart. I want a husband. I told him if he felt he would be happier somewhere else he may go and I will not cry or beg. I want him to be happy. He said "do you think I would be happy somewhere else" I don't know but I told him that his overbusyness and making plans without me on the boat, going to the bar, hanging with his friends and not wanting to be with me is not how I want to live the rest of my life. He said that thats always how it's been (not the bar but the busyness and doing his own thing). I told him I don't want to do it any more. We don't have a marriage. Are we done workin on it?
Still confused, didn't say much. Asked me what I thought about counseling, he knows but I told him the balls in his court. If the man wants to leave so be it. Sorry but I feel like a damn doormat.
Rachael, Good for you for not waiting on him! Sometimes you have to do a 180 and just leave them in the dust and go to functions w/o them.
You've laid your cards on the table and like you said, the ball is now in his court. Let's see if he figure out what he needs to do.
Now, step back, sit quietly and watch the show from the curb. Time will tell as to what he'll do. Now is the time to turn the focus back on to you and your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
