Even though I didn't have to lie to my family last night I still had to lie to my kids. Is dealing with all this hurt really worth it in the end? It just seems like I am spinning my wheels. I keep telling myself that sitting back and waiting for the next move is the best thing for the kids but i really feel like i am being taken advantage of by being the nice guy. I hope my posts get put on the board soon. I could really use some advice and encouragement.
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
Spent all of fathers day with just me and the kids. Had a blast. That's when I realized I don't NEED her and can be happy without her. That good feeling carried over to Monday where i had a really productive day. Can't wait to get off moderation so i don't feel like i am talking to myself.
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
I am starting to doubt whether or not I really want to make this work. Maybe I am just in denial. I need to set boundaries but don't know where to start. How long does moderation last?
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
I have been really struggling to come up with 180s, but as I thought about it, I have been doing a lot of 180s since W said she was leaving. This is what I have done so far:
1. Quit drinking 2. Spending more time with my children 3. Not sitting around feeling sorry for myself 4. Taking D3 to daycare in the morning 5. Helping coach S12 baseball team 6. Stop talking to W about R 7. Actively listening to W when she talks about work 8. Doing more housework 9. Smile often, even when I don't really feel like it 10.Started wearing cologne again
Some future plans include:
1. Joining a gym to get in shape 2. Golfing again 3. Taking the kids on a trip to see my brother and his family 4. Working in the garden 5. Becoming more organized 6. Continue spending quality time with the kids
I have had a pretty good week by not trying to read into things, stopped snooping, and thinking about my future goals for myself. I do feel some anxiety about how it will hit me when she actually moves out.
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
Last night I took the kids fishing and cooked hotdogs over a fire. We had a really great time even though the fish weren't biting.
Today, W took the kids over to her parents, so I am by myself until S12 baseball game tonight. Decided to go shopping for S7 birthday next weekend. While there I text W about the best size bike for him. W ask me to pick up S12 on my way back to town so she won't have to bring him home. So I guess she is not planning to go to his baseball game. Not only has she abandoned the marriage, but she is also abandoning the kids. As I am becoming more active with them, she is pulling away from them, and this p!sses me off more than anything. I realize that what she is doing is cake eating, but how do I set up boundaries without it negatively affecting my kids? Is it typical of a WAW to pull back from the kids too? Or is she just avoiding their activities to avoid me? I am just really confused and could use some advise.
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
Took S12 to his baseball game, but the other team had cancelled without telling anyone. S12 wanted to go back to W parents, which put me in a really uncomfortable situation. I love her family, knew them before we started dating. I decided I would stick around for about 30 minutes to visit with them. I felt really uncomfortable, not because of them, but because I wondered how W felt about it. When I told them I made my excape I thought MIL was going to start crying. How would I know if wife wanted me to stay or not? Did I miss read her telling S12 to have me bring him back out as her way of saying she wanted me there, and then I blew it by leaving too soon? What are the boundaries with in-laws? My BIL wants to take me golfing, something we have done many times in the past. He was also my best friend in high school. Can I do stuff with them as long as I don't talk about W, or are they off limits? Am I just thinking too much about this stuff? Should I talk to her about her expectations with interactions between me and her family?
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
W and I had several pleasant exchanges over the weekend, but nothing of substance. Although I think about our R constantly I have been able to completely avoid discussing this with S. I am going to see a new counselor today for a different perspective as my previous one did not seem to help much. If this one just wants to steer me toward divorce I will try a DB coach. I have been hesitant to this point because health insurance covers counseling. I really wonder if i am doing things right. What if she changes her mind but thinks I don't want her any more?
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
Saw the new counselor today. I really like her and will stick with her. I am going to make one more effort to get her to work on our marriage, so she at least knows how I feel, and then I will go pitch black. Will happen within the next day or two. I will keep you posted, even though you probably won't see the post for awhile.
M-31, W32 S12, S9, S8, D3 M 12 Years Bomb dropped: 4/30/12 ("I need to be happy") EA discovered: 5/8/12 W denied PA unsure Moved out 7/6/12
