Wow, so much of your sitch sounds similar to mine....from your wife not feeling important, not taking any responsibility, to the time together. My wife and I were high school sweethearts as well and wow, you fast forward 25+ years and look back, you realize how much stupid stuff you did in the relationship and how it has scarred you both.
It sounds like you are doing the right things, but your changes have to be real and not temporary...make them for you, not anyone else. It took my wife a long time (~6-8 months) to actually start believing my changes were real. Even so, there's a heavy amount of resentment, poor communication skills, and bad habits that we have to address....and of course, she's not sure she has anything left in the tank to do it.
With regards to the IC, hopefully someone can chime in here, but my wife saw two IC over the years...both were crappy. One said I was a narcissist and would never change and the other said "You love him, but aren't in love with him." Really? What's wrong with these people?! We went to a MC together and she really didn't help either. She was more of a C for listening to your problems rather than actually helping you work thru them. I'd be happy to try another MC, but so far, any help we've reached out for has been more damaging....retrovaille has been the best so far in terms of helping, and she hasn't really opened herself up to it.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I remember so well how I felt when I decided to stay in my M. Was I happy? No! Was I ready to give 100% effort that my H asked from me? No! I had to reach a point to where I was just willing...to be willing. Make sense? Probably not, but I bet your W would understand completely b/c of her mindset.
Wow, that hits home for me. I think this is where my wife has been for a long time. Sandi - would you mind chiming in on my thread? I could really use your experience right now as my sitch seems similar and I'm just not sure what to do most of the time.
