Thank you for your post. You may not come back here,(in light of your statement that you are no longer DBing) so I understand if you don't respond to this. If you do come back......I am curious why you decided to quit DBing. Does this mean you have accepted that a divorce may be the best result for you at this time and prefer to not spend your energy on trying to "bust" it?
Your lessons resonate with me. Especially the first. A good reminder that doing our best is a constant work in progress, without a measurable end point.
My husband asked me to meet him last night. first time in a few months. I always ask about the nature of the meeting so as not to be blindsided and as prepared as I can be. He told me the meeting is about his next steps. His lease is up on his current rental and he cannot renew it. He has decided to move to another rental with a year lease and told me he will begin divorce proceedings, specifically drafting a proposal to divide our assets.
And so, he is coming out of limbo land finally after 2 years of metaphorically wringing his hands and saying "I don't know what to do". He said he could not really move on until he is divorced because in his words, "who would want to have a relationship with a married man"? From what I heard last night:
current marriage = unhappiness and lack of fulfillment
still married but separated = unhappiness and hands tied to establish another relationship as long as tethered to current wife.
divorce = happiness and paper to allow him to find fulfilling relationship.
As I looked at him from across the table last evening, he had tears in his eyes during the whole conversation. I had to hear again how miserable he is yada yada yada. Can a piece of paper declaring you legally free from a marriage of 26 years, hold such promise to be free from the misery I witnessed in him last night. It seems a tall order to me.
Thanks for listening Twink. You are a class act. I hope I can land in a similar place.
