Had an affair 3 years ago, DH still struggling

[InAPickle]

I think DLS scared her off.

That's too bad.

From what she writes, it seems to me her H isn't really "getting over it" and that's going to be a problem moving forward.

I kind of understand how he feels. There were times in my journey I felt that I could only "get over it" if I had my own little fling. Dealing with an A is difficult.

But for him to have not made any progress 3 years on, just says something obviously isn't working, and something different needs to be done.

Funny thing: for me the rapidity of the D helped push me to move on. Now I'm not suggesting D, but maybe there's some other dynamic, because three years later, I suspect someone isn't really trying hard enough.

I think Mystify needs to say: "If we're going to make this work, let's get to work, but H has got to stop throwing the past in my face." IMHO that's a major obstacle. When's it going to end? She needs to say: Look H, I can't change the past, decide is you can do this."

The current dynamic appears as if the H is now the WA and the W is passively pursuing. It's not working. Somehow they have to get to a point where they are "starting over." He said he's lost that lovin' feeling. How's he going to get it back? I think he needs to miss her, and decide if he wants to grow old with her or someone else or alone.