swimming with turtles and some guidance

[zig]

hi everyone - i don't have much time to write so will make it brief as i have to go GAL.

here's the gist of it: joann thought that i was doing absolutely amazing for the situation i was in, and for what h and i have been through in our marriage.

she was extremely encouraging, especially when she heard that i was dropping all and every resistance to the sitch that i could manage.

we talked about what works and doesn't work, and she said watch very carefully what you say or do - if h pulls back even the slightest with body language drop doing that immediately, if he doesn't keep doing it. i am to keep a record everyday of the tiniest nuances for both things and read them everyday to keep myself encouraged.

she did emphasize that it would be longer than i think, but thought that i was handling it quite well and to really make a full life of my own.

she said let him initiate everything - absolutely everything. and told me to act as if the ow was out of the picture.

she also said that she wants to see him start to make mistakes with me - slipping up and getting too close, including being intimate. i asked her about that - she said - drop a hint almost like a joke so he doesn't know if you're serious or not and if he initiates, then go for it, making it clear that there are no strings attached and that he better not have any expectations from me (i thought that was brilliant!!) she added that it was good to flirt just a tiny bit. anything that brings us closer in any way.

i described some of his reactions, especially about my trip and she thought that that was just on the mark and a very good sign

we talked about the b'day party - and she said frankly it was really really unusual at this point for the WAS to consider doing anything like that and that it was a very good sign that he wanted it to appear as if we were doing well to all our friends, and also a really good sign that he was still trying to hide the relationship

she said focus on looking really good and smelling really good and having a really good time, with a tiny flirt here and there and of course no expectations.

she thought it was really positive and also very interesting that he's recently been arguing that he wants everything the same way we did it before.

there's probably more, but my brain is fried and i will post stuff as i remember it.

hope this helps anyone else here too.

i'm so glad i did this - i know there is no way to tell what the future holds, but now i know more clearly what to do, and the biggest most important thing is to focus on myself, get my work really going well and just forget about h for awhile - well, as much as i can that is

zig