This is not looking good! (Long post...)

[Accuray]

I hear you about the whirlwind. Men are usually "fixers", so when things fall apart you feel like you better put it back together "now". It's hard to see that time is actually your ally here, and nothing has to happen overnight.

I think I wrote this to you before -- a lot of your angst is rooted in losing control. Your W pulled away a lot that you assumed would be present. That represents a major loss of control and a feeling of freefall. Trying to restore the marriage NOW feels like your shortest path to restoring that control, and that's why you fixate on it.

You CAN find other things to help restore that control that don't involve W. The BEST thing you can do is to start setting small goals and meeting them. For you, you could set a goal to reduce your debt by X every (2 weeks, month, whatever). You could set a goal to create a budget for yourself, and then measure yourself against how well you live by it. For me it's been weight loss and getting in shape. The point is to make them achievable, measurable, and about you. After a few weeks of hitting your goals, you'll feel better about yourself, more in control, and that will make you more attractive to W, which helps your cause. Finishing reading those books could be a goal, put a date on it. Give yourself a taste of success in something OTHER than your relationship right now.

It will help, it's worth it.

Accuray