Hey everyone, I spent the last few days looking at apartments. I've found one that I like and that I can afford, so I will be moving out on July 1st.
He had initially offered to give me money towards the apartment each month, and I accepted. He realized that he couldn't really afford that either, and we got into a huge argument. He told his mom and dad how selfish and greedy I was and how he thought at some point this could be worked out, and now he DEFINITELY felt that it could not be worked out, because of my selfishness. We've worked out the financials and everything is in different accounts at the moment. It worked out as I had hoped, so fortunately that went ok.
Last night he wasn't supposed to come home, but he did. We had a long discussion about how we are going to divide up property and stuff. I have to say that I did not cry or freak out once. This, to me, is a huge step, because I have not been able to talk to him without crying. We agreed about some other problems we'd had. He said that we restricted each other. He even said, like, I know you've been going out and having a good time. It wouldn't have been that way when we were together. Which is very true.
He has decided not to move back to Australia in December (probably) because he doesn't want to be completely uprooted again. He'll stay in that apartment and he will take care of the cats, which I am glad for, because I would never have been able to find an apartment that would take both cats.
I am trying to be more generous and sympathetic towards him. I've been taking care of things around the apartment and offering more help, since one of his biggest complaints has been my selfishness.
He said that when I move out, I could still come by to do my laundry and to visit with the cats, which will be nice, though it will probably be when he isn't home (that's what he suggested). He also offered to help me move. I said I had a friend who would help me, but he insisted, so I guess I'll accept his help.
We had a friendly conversation, he showed me which couch he was going to buy and suggested that I get one just like it. It was like talking to an old friend, I guess.
I do feel bad that I've been so selfish. I told him that I was seeing an individual counselor and that I was learning to change these behaviors. He also hates that I still let my parents impact my decisions, so I am going to really start trying to think for myself.
He thanked me for talking to him last night. I think I did really well validating his feelings.
I am looking forward to starting over in a new apartment, even though my cats won't be there. It has a little patio, too, so maybe I could get some flowers or grow vegetables or something. Who knows.
I have a (guy) friend and I can tell he really likes me. It's nice to get the attention right now. But I know I shouldn't pursue it.
I don't know what's to come. I think it will be harder now that we won't be living in the same apartment. Maybe he'll see that I am really making changes, because I really am.
