One step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

[Fightfire00]

Not only broke a rule but a showed a general lack of respect. It sounds as if you want to be more of a father than an equal partner.

you are absolutely right... I may have worded it a bit differently, but I know I messed up... I have deleted all phone numbers out of my phone and will no longer contact her friends or family... I goofed big... I won't however apologize for trying to fix my marriage in any possible way, but I know that was not the best decision... I won't do it again...


It's difficult when in our perception, it seems others may be "bailing out" our wayward spouses. This is where detachment works, what she does and who "helps" her isn't your concern. This is her life now.

it is VERY difficult... my W and kids are/were my whole world... and without them I'm having a super hard time figuring out who I am... all of my friends are married with families/jobs and have little time to hang out or talk... so I'm left alone with my thoughts a lot... doesn't justify my talking to her mom, but I did, it's over and I have to move past it... I know it's her life... I'm trying to get used to that fact... and I'm trying every day to give my fear of her meeting someone else or not coming back at all to God.. some days it works, other days, not so much...

Maybe this was a problem during the marriage?

which part..? my trying to be a "fixer" all the time or her Mom ALWAYS making me feel inadequate as a husband and father...?

I'm trying very hard to hold up to the rules... I am however human, and make mistakes... it makes it that much harder that I have NO family here to be with, rely on or spend time with... I feel very much like I'm out on an island all alone fighting off all the woe's life is throwing at me... that forces/causes me to get desperate at times.... I am 40yo but I would love a hug from my Mom... but she is 800 miles away... that makes this entire process just that much harder... I have no one to count on but me... not making excuses... I take full responsibility for what I did... just explaining how I feel...

thanks as always for your comments Labug... they are much appreciated...

have faith, be good and stay safe...