This is not looking good! (Long post...)

[Accuray]

I agree with Labug, I don't think you should let yourself off the hook that easily. Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? If not, read it right away.

I posted this to roughenough:

The book "His Needs, Her Needs" talks about the 10 most important emotional needs that people have in marriage:

• Affection
• Sexual Fulfillment
• Conversation
• Recreational Companionship
• Honesty and Openness
• Physical Attractiveness
• Financial Support
• Domestic Support
• Family Commitment
• Admiration

The trap that many of us get into is that we do an excellent job providing for the needs that we most value, and neglect the ones we do not. If your spouse happens to value a different set, then you're heading for trouble.

Some of these will be MOST valuable to your spouse, filling them will make them feel most loved, and will cause major problems if they're not met, but NONE of them can be neglected or resentments will build up and eventually overshadow the good.

I would evaluate yourself on all 10 -- how important is each one to W, how well do you do fulfilling it? Note that affection is not foreplay, it's creating a climate of affection that does not lead to the bedroom.

VERY IMPORTANT: Do not discuss with W, don't work with her on your plans. Don't tell her about any of this, just start living it. She'll notice, don't point it out. Pointing it out makes it look like "an act" staged for her benefit. That's not what you want.

One of the best things you can do through this crisis is to really understand on the list above which needs are the most important, critical things to W, and then figure out what YOU need to do to provide for that going forward. Even if things don't work out with W, having this knowledge will help you in any future relationships that you have.

"The Five Love Languages" is an excellent book and will give you good perspective on this.

Accuray