I thought I replied yesterday but I must have Missed the upload button :-) First I would like to say I appreciate your comments. I do read them and I like a different prospective so that is welcome.
Since my post my H has agreed to go to consoling. We had our first group meeting on Friday which went well. Our last try at this did not go so well. It may have been because things were just too raw. But this time around we are trying a Male therapist who specializes in Men's mental health. We went into his office and he asked for some background. My H just looked at me so I took that as a queue to start. I went through the whole story in about 10 minutes. When I stopped the Therapist looked at my H and said. "She is thorough" and my H said "Yes that is the way she is"
Then my H began to talk. Which was good because in our previous attempts he barely said a word. This time he just went on and on about all sorts of things. The affair, his relationships with his family or lack there of and so on. After about 20 minutes of my H talking the Therapist stopped us and said he would like to continue on with my H as the primary contact. My H agreed to meet with him alone next week. I took all of this as a positive step.
From the days that have followed they have been strange to say the least. We had a social function to attend one evening and he was very civil. We talked (weather, son, work,,,,etc) but not about this current situation. Also there has not been any physical contact. Except when he is leaving he always gives me a kiss good bye. He even asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him the other night. I was a bit taken by this and I was not sure how I should react. I had asked the therapist before we left the office if I should Stop initiation things and how I should act. He basically said my H was in control and what ever he wanted to do or how he wanted to interact with me was up to him.
This has been very difficult for me. We have been very affectionate people. While making dinner he would come up to me or vice versa and we would hug or kiss. And since our initial conversation none of this has happened. In Bed he sleeps on his side and there is no contact. My instinct is telling me to go hug or kiss him or hold him in the night, but the therapist said this is his call. And that is killing me. I cannot wait for next week when his sessions start. I have decided to tell him before he goes if he wants to talk about his sessions I will be there for him and listen. If he does not want to talk about them I will just have to accept that.
It is just so hard not doing things that have been so instinctual for so long. I am hoping by me respecting his space he sees this as a positive and that I do listen to what he says and wants. I just hope I am doing the right thing......
