Well, I am mostly calm, but sometimes things happen and I have to bear with them... I talked to my best friend, the one that called my H's office the other day, and when she learned I still had not heard anything, she volunteered to call again. She did but it was just 9 am and nobody answered...
What got me a bit upset is that when we finished talking, she was very positive I should get a divorce after this. This means that the three people who know what has happened these last three weeks are all telling me to forget it and go ahead with the D. They all had been previously very supportive of my DB efforts...
I know that the silence and the cc thing do most likely mean he has no intention of working things out, and I am trying to get my mental house in order for that very likely potential outcome. But it still bothers me...
Just venting...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
The one person who really matters here is you. I'm sure that once you have some information and it's factual, you will be in the position to make some decisions for yourself.
And somehow I think you will make ones that are best for you, not your friends. You're a smart lady and not one to go off making irrational decisions based on evidence that is not factual.
You're a really good swimmer, even though you think you forget sometimes (where ARE your family?). Relax and just keep swimming. At some point, you're going to get the information you want and need.
Then cross that bridge...
Big hugs.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: What got me a bit upset is that when we finished talking, she was very positive I should get a divorce after this. This means that the three people who know what has happened these last three weeks are all telling me to forget it and go ahead with the D. They all had been previously very supportive of my DB efforts...
Midway thru my Piecing efforts a big fight/backslide happened...the only two people who were current in knowing about my sitch did the "well...I guess you gave it your all" thingy...luckily...I had the wonderful folks here on the BB to point me back in the DB direction...
I remember the feeling well...of feeling as though if THEY (my friends) were saying it was over then it must be true...but simply put...perhaps they just had just lasted longer than others but that didn't make them experts on my sitch or what I should do...
You know your sitch best.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Remember that your friends just want to defend you. They can't really be very objective.
The temptation here, of course, is to ASSume things about where your H is and what he's doing. The problem when you ASSume is that you seldom consider all the possibilities. - He could be gallivanting around the world with the OW and just forgot to give you the correct return date. - He could have gone on a trip with the OW and right now might be learning what a miserable person she really is and missing you desperately. - He could be in South America conducting a drug deal so he can buy himself out of the mess he's made of his life. - He could be sitting in a cabin in the mountains with a gun to his head thinking about how he just can't face up to the mess when all the lies he has told you and the OW come out. - He could have taken the mothership back to the home planet for a reinfusion of alien bug juice
You just can't know. I suppose you could snoop and find some things out (like where was the call made from that cancelled the credit card? Or call and report HIS cards stolen?). But here's another approach - what if YOU weren't home when he got home? What if you and D were gone on a fabulous weekend trip (why not take her to Disneyland?). H is expecting you to be there when he gets home - what if you aren't? You could just leave a little note - "sorry, thought you were going to be back before we left, couldn't reach you to tell you. Gone out of town, back in a few days "(don't tell him WHEN!). Then you go and have fun and quit thinking about him - and get your D's mind off of him too.
You know, going away for the weekend isn't a bad idea. Is Monday a holiday for your D's school? I am taking my 3 kids plus my D8's friend to a resort up north.
Am planning to keep them busy in the pool, outside skating, sledding at the golf course and possibly ice-fishing.
Now obviously your climate doesn't allow for that, but you could take your DD to Six Flaggs if you don't want to go far... just you and D - a girl's weekend. I bet she would love it.
And I agree that you should bump that mental date in your head to the 17 or 18th.
Maybe the reason that noone answered the phone at your H's office is that it is closed. Didn't you say that the OW's daughters will be done soon too? Maybe the place is shut down.
Anyway, I'm praying for you as if everyone else. You are a strong, smart woman and you can get through this!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Opt, I really like Ellie's idea. I know you don't feel like taking a trip probably, but it would do you good, and it would help take your D's mind off all this.
Do whatever might help the two of you feel better right now. Hang tight Opt. Rachael
Mine is back at work. We are talking. He says he hates me is going to file for D and can't wait to get as far away from me as possible.
That is DAY 1. Day 2 he agrees to send me some money and agrees to call me each night if I can keep from emailing and beeping him during the day. Says he really doesn't want to talk to me...but agrees to call me.
So...who knows what goes on in their minds? I am praying for you and for your h as I type this. OPT, please hang in there...things will turn out exactly the way they are supposed to turn out...God has you in the palm of his hand.
You get my BRAVEST DB'ER of the DAY AWARD for Today.. hugs, Akgal
Thanks Colleen, I do not think I am especially brave, but at this point I'll take whatever compliments come my way...
Well, yet another day came and went with no news. My daughter woke up rather antsy this morning, with her little stuffy nose but no fever. I told her she could stay home and not go to school (she has half day pre-K), but she chose to go anyway.
I've thought a lot about Ellie's suggestion about being out of town when and if he comes back... but my gut tells me it is not a good idea. Part of what lead to this mess is my infinite ability to go my own way in pursuit of my personal and proffessional interests, and what you can call my total independence... He does not need to be reminded that I can move on without him. He knows that well. While he was busy messing up his life and our M, I built a sucessful bussiness and took care of a wonderful big girl.
Somehow I feel that going away this particular weekend would be a childish gesture, a 'you did that to me, I'll do this to you' type... I feel it is more dignified to wait this out and then make my moves, calmly and definitely on Monday.
I may be wrong, maybe a more astute approach is indicated. Maybe I am not machiavellic enough. But somehow I feel that in this particular matter and with so many things at stake for my D and me, I have to act with honesty and transparency. For myself, so that I do not have any regrets down the line, no doubts and no 'what ifs'...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
