Wow it's been exactly a month. It feels like so much longer.
Work wrapped up. I survived. It was intense, but I'm glad it's over. I have until August 17th not to really think about it, and for that, I am exceedingly thankful.
I had two weeks between the end of my work and my Colorado trip. H was going to go, and then a week before we were supposed to leave, his company asked him to come do some crisis control in California.... for 3 weeks. He asked me what I thought. I told him that it sounded important (the CFO of that sector specifically asked for him) and that if he didn't mind missing the CO trip, I'd be ok with him going. And I don't know who suggested it, but D and I will be joining him out there for the last week of the 3 week trek.
So we're flying to LA tomorrow morning.
We signed on the house. H wants to move in the day after we get back from LA (which, coincidentally, is also his 30th birthday).
Oh, yeah, I had a birthday. It came, it went. I was en route to CO, and was recovering from strep (oh yes, in that 2 week period between the end of work and CO, I got a terrible case of strep).
I got a super sh!tty email today concerning my thesis. I won't bore you with the details, but I'm not happy with the university and they're not happy with me. It is overwhelmingly stressful to say the very least. I am going to do my best to enjoy LA despite the university BS.
We're supposed to go to Disneyland this weekend with D. Yes, I know she's too little to remember, but she really enjoys large characters (she just thinks they're overgrown stuffed animals amd squeals with delight), and hey, she's free. H's company is paying for the hotel and the car, and he gets a corporate discount to Disney. So, why not.
I'm also hoping to make some extremely positive associations with SoCal on this trip so I won't have a gd panic attack every time H has to go out there for work.
However, he's already given me the heads up that he is extremely stressed out with this crisis project thing. I know he's been working long hours in order to try to be able to spend more time with us this coming week. I told him I appreciate the effort. He also told me he's sleeping poorly. I wish he would see a doctor about that. I asked him to let me know if there's anything I can do to help make him less stressed out while we're there. I think I'll try to make lunch for him daily. He told me he's routinely eating only dinner while working 13 hour days.
I've been trying to do some soul searching too. Not much time for it, but some. I retook the Myers Briggs (if you've never taken it, you should. Fascinating stuff). I hadn't taken it in sometime, but apparently my personality has changed. I used to be an ESFJ. I'm now an ENTJ. Google it and you will understand me a lot better. I understand me better anyway. I also looked up how it interacts with H's personality (at least what he was the last time he took it about 5 years ago). He's an INTP. It seemed to highlight our differences and challenges (and compliments) well. It was kind of nice to realize "oh, we're not crazy, that's actually really, REALLY normal for us".
But realizing my change in personality is a little... hard. I can almost guarantee it was not this even a year ago. I had wondered if I had become... for lack of a shorter and better term... a heartless b!tch. And yes, pretty much, I have. I'm cold, calculating, and fierce. I call people on their sh!t, and I'm good at it. Unfortunately, people don't typically like that...
And I don't know when this shift happened. And I don't know if I like it.
