W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P3

[Snowman]

I can not do this anymore, I just can't. The emails of blame, the lies, the pointing out everything I did wrong, and the constant EAs if not PAs is to much for me to handle. No one wants me to continue on. I'm a imperfect man, I freely admit it but I never did anything to hurt my W on purpose. If someone wants to work on their marriage they don't just say lies and continue in their lies non-stop for 10+ months straight and continue to deny it. My W is so infatuated with here EAs she will just straight up deny it and vomit blame on me. I know I should not be surprised as I know better but I just can't take this crap anymore. She wants a knight in shining armor, the castle, and the perfect in-laws in the castle. Not happening. Imperfection is what makes me human and different. If you don't like me for me and want to continue living a lie so be it. I'm so ready right now to just text her and say hi to her boytoy and be done with it all because I know she is talking to him right now like she does every night since she tried to give me another fake apology a while ago.

We have exhanged emails back and forth about stuff and I straight told her she is emotionally involved with other men and I will not be plan B or have a plan B. I shared other stuff as well. I got how she felt left out of my family and how I didn't support her any in all these different ways. She of course didn't address the other men rather she said these are all reasons she is reluctant which were basically all reasons why she thinks I suck.

Its a total BS smoke screen of nick pick this and that. While the may be vaild little things and I don't deny it, if you want a divorce over them then so be it. I call BS and she is totally sucked into her EA. These lies and BS blaming has to stop. I'm sorry but I deserve better. I will not walk on eggshells any longer for this situation or for my entire marriage for that matter. No one can live up to these expectations she has. She is so insecure and must fit in to everyone's life perfect and if you don't you get the rath for it. The closer you are to her the more damage you get. I have to the biggest hit from it, then her family that cares minus her dad who was never there, and then friends who cared. I truly don't think it will matter what I do as she will continue in her behavior until she gets help and stops doing this to everyone. I have said for a while now I will not be a fixer and I feel like I'm just be blamed for everything and need to be fixed. I will not do it. I can only control me and I will not be solving anyone else's problems. Thats up to them. I refuse to wait around for ever for them to figure it out. Man I'm pissed and tired of this.

I had a bad stomach flu that I got from my S a week ago and she had one of her many races. I called her and said I'm not sure I will be better tomorrow when I pick our S up which I was picking up a day early so she could do the race. She couldn't provide any help and said "What you want me to not run my race" and "I have been sick and had him". I told her I was trying to plan just in case and she really didn't care. I guess puking my brains out and being captive to the thrown shouldn't matter. Just watch our S anyway.

She dropped him off a day early again due to a work meeting to morning and then reminds me I will have him this weekend as well because she has another race. I yet again just feel like a babysitter for all her fun. I know but you get your S to play with. Well I need an honest parent break. I'm sorry but I can't take all this abuse and be a 24x7 dad. I admit it, I need some just me time.

All this nice guy behavior has got me is resentment and nothing I want. It is exactly like "The No More Mr. Nice Guy" book describes/program describes. I totally have been that guy. Make everyone happy which is controlling. Crap I even remember talking to my IC about it months ago and now it makes sense. I have been the fool this whole time. RRRRRRR!!