Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

update -
so h agreed to go play frisbee - when i said there were going to be others there. but when he called to confirm, and i had to say that i hadn't heard back from the others, he got squirmy, so i just said how about i pick up son and go. he gave me a bunch of reasons why he couldn't, including that he was getting sick. i just replied - oh i didn't really expect you to go anyway

so s and i went, we stopped by at his classmates house and the twins and their dad came out and joined us and we had a blast. i was so proud - i ran and caught a throw that was almost impossible. the dad who's a veteran frisbee player was really impressed,so i was stoked!!


when we got back to h's to drop s off, i told s - let's go in and decide the menu for the dinner. h was sitting at the table working on the floor plans for the building permit. i just casually plonked myself down -(total 180 - i've barely gone into that house) - and was just very relaxed and friendly.

he responded well. and seemed really relaxed (i was looking for signs of tension, but there didn't seem to be any) , and talked about the house and then we talked about the cake and the menu.

he tried getting a bit growly at first over the cake. and i just said - how about we just wipe out all past memories of the cake and just approach it in a different way. i proposed that we should all participate. at first he was adamant that we should do it exactly as before (his latest fixation) and i just said, well i don't want the whole burden of the cake on me. how about if i bake the cake parts and all the fillings and then the 3 of us put it together, i actually said that we could really use his architectural expertise for a change.

he agreed. i have no expectations that he will actually do it, and don't care either way, but if he does i'm going to focus on it being a really positive, fun experience for the 3 of us.

then s started getting really tired and we both tried to tell him to get in the shower, and he absolutely insisted that he wouldn't until i left. we asked him why and he kept saying he didn't want to miss anything. he actually got teary-eyed, and i had to comfort him by saying it was okay and that i would leave - even though i did want to sit there just with h for a couple of mins. well s is the db'er here, because that would have not been so good probably!!

so i'm barely back home 10 mins and h calls. have you seen s's inhaler. i was a bit taken aback at the question. is it at your house? s has been at his house for a week now.

i handled it really well - in the past i would have freaked. he kept saying , between sniffing and blowing his nose, that he felt really stupid calling me and letting me know about his ineptitude (he actually used that word!) , and i think i handled it just the right way - because then he "confessed" all the other things he had messed up during the week taking care of s. all i said was, well you have a lot on your plate, you're getting sick and don;t be too hard on yourself. (that last was the phrase he always said to me - it seemed to work. i observed that he was sounding sicker by the minute, and he admitted that he felt lousy)

mil stopped by this evening and we chatted for awhile. she told me that h is really badly strung out - everything with rebuilding his house is not going well and he keeps running into one problem after the other.

she also told me that when he had come to tell them about ow being in town - he had been incredibly stressed. she asked him why he was so stressed and he said that this second trip of her coming here (the other times he's gone to visit her) was different. she asked how so, and he replied well it's really hard to keep this secret, i can't introduce her to anyone and we have to hide and it's very stressful.

so brit - i'm taking your coach's advice - just to be friendly and relaxed and not try to prethink everything i'm going to say and be. i'm just going to be myself around him. while we were sitting at his house - i told him about my crazy good catch and how psyched i was, and he genuinely seemed to enjoy hearing about it. i also asked if i could join them in making the party piñata - he and s always make this crazy huge one. i'm just gently trying to see if i can get us to do things together that we always did separately with s. of course with no expectations that it will actually happen.

on another note - i am crazy nervous about talking to this coach tomorrow. i am such a babbler, and i'm afraid i won't be able to stick to the most important facts that i should let her know about and will waste my time. the last 10 months have started to blur in my mind - and frankly i don't have the energy to go through my past threads to make sure i remember to tell her everything.

anyone, vets? have advice on what are the most important aspects to focus on so i get the most out of the session?

thanks for any advice
zig