ouch!! that would surely be uncomfortable - for at least one of them!
makes me think - we are so busy walking eggshells around them, that we just forget what a normal person would do in a ridiculous situation like that.
though i will warn - be prepared, that if you take that route as KD suggests (and i'm not saying at all that you should or you shouldn't) be prepared that there may be some fallout, and since it involves picking up your s - he may see/hear it.
this is NOT to suggest at all that you shouldn't do something to keep your boundary in place, it's more to make you aware so that you are prepared to handle it. my friend warned me in the same way, right before i set a boundary - and boy, was i glad she did - because what spewed out of h's mouth was so unexpected that if she hadn't warned me i would not have been able to handle it as calmly as i did
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
No worries on the look. Wouldnt give it a second thought. You have asked her politely not to bring the om to your house. She obviously remembered your request because she parked on the street. Chances are next time she will think twice about bringing him, but if she doesnt, so what? You have many more important things to think about!
gunny, I'd have to say I really like this. Especially the part about having more important things to think about! Darn straight! I don't want this to cut into my GAL any more than it has to! Making a federal case out of it probably wouldn't have been of any benefit and probably would have done more harm than good.
+ first, my position is even closer to NC with my W. When I drop the kids off, I stay on the street by the car and say goodbye to the kids. And as soon as I can, my plan is to have D9 meet me at the car on the street when I go to pick her up.
So I'm thinking, is there a way to get that behaviour from S11. Have him say bye to his mom on the street and also meet her on the street?
Well, that's certainly an option I could exercise if needed. If need be, I could always have her text or call before she gets here and send my S out. On the reverse end, I could have her drop my S off at the street if needed. Heck she can do the 'splainin', right? I may just keep that one in my back pocket
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
+ second thought is, 180 this. What SS said was certainly entertaining, although I wouldn't seek a pawn to play that game. OTOH, why don't you go down to the car to talk to your W while OM is with her?
In the worst case scenario, you could always punch the guy in the head... But seriously, imagine how uncomfortable that might be, for him. He might just choose to tell your W to pick up and drop of S11 by herself. You can always joke to him about some of the eccentric stuff your W was known to do, or other personal info that you and your W shared...
While that sounds very entertaining, it's probably not the best option anyway. Punch the guy the head? KD, you crack me up sometimes!!! Frankly, I'd rather have the guy just sitting in the car than to even acknowledge his existence. Or better yet, pacing the floor at McDonald's or something. I also think this may send a negative message to my S, and I don't want to go there.
makes me think - we are so busy walking eggshells around them, that we just forget what a normal person would do in a ridiculous situation like that.
Naw, I'm done with eggshells, or at least I try to be. That's been one of the upsides to my W moving out over a year ago. I swept the proverbial eggshells right out to the curb, so to speak.
Originally Posted By: zig
though i will warn - be prepared, that if you take that route as KD suggests (and i'm not saying at all that you should or you shouldn't) be prepared that there may be some fallout, and since it involves picking up your s - he may see/hear it.
Oh yeah, I am very cognizant of that. I am trying to shield my S from as much of the junk as possible. That's probably why the risk with KD's option #2 may not be worth it.
It's been a busy week thus far. Men's softball with my church on Monday night. Last night it was my relationships group (a.k.a. Ladies' group) at church. 17 mile bike ride this morning before work today. Tonight I had a cook out to go to with a group from church - I knew almost everyone there. I took my S tonight. He was the only kid, but the house we were at had a pool - so he had a great time.
My S's in a camp this week. I set the whole thing up. However, my W is responsible to take him Wednesday and Friday. This morning, he was about 15 minutes late to camp. I also found out later - though I had communicated to my W that my S would need a lunch on Wednesday & Friday, he did not have one for today. He recycled yesterday's lunch. Supposedly she didn't have money to buy groceries for him. Side note - she goes out to eat with him almost every night she has him. Hmmm...one would think buying groceries and doing a looking cooking might just save a little money.
Supposedly she didn't have money to buy groceries for him. Side note - she goes out to eat with him almost every night she has him. Hmmm...one would think buying groceries and doing a looking cooking might just save a little money.
Not sure if your house was like mine where you managed the finances before the split JB. But it's amazing the money management skills, or lack thereof.
I see my W spend money on things (tattoos, car decals, pampered chef) and then listen to the kids complain that they can't sleep at mom's because the house is so hot since the A/C is only down to 76 at night and the upstairs is about 85 degrees. And that's because she's afraid to generate an electric bill.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Not sure if your house was like mine where you managed the finances before the split JB. But it's amazing the money management skills, or lack thereof.
Yes, it was exactly like that. She was totally hands off. In fact, it created problems sometimes because she liked to spend and maybe I was just a little too practical at times. Not that I'm a cheap skate or a miser by any stretch of the imagination.
There was an interesting development last night. About 3-4 weeks ago two friends of mine who didn't know each other at the time felt prompted by God to reach out to my W. I encouraged both of them to pray about and I got the two of them together. I pretty much stayed out of it. If they felt moved to contact my W, I'd let them do what they were going to do, and the less I knew of the specifics, the better. Of these two friends, one of them has never met my W, and the other one knows her. One friend wrote a letter and mailed it. The other friend sent her FB messages and a friend request.
Last night, the friend who knows her and sent the FB messages and friend request received a confirmation on the friend request. She followed with a nice message thanking him for his messages. A dialogue ensued.
She has definitely noticed I am a much different person than I was. She did say she didn't see us getting back together. My friend is perceiving fear on her part. I'll have to be honest, there would be fear on my part, too - I wouldn't want anything to revert back to the way it was. She also said she was very tired and worn out.
Anyway my friend and W have been through some severe rough patches themselves - EA, PA, serious money issue, talk of D, etc. There is a chance they may go out to dinner - the 3 of them - just to talk. My W had said it would make her cry, but it would probably be a good thing.
OK - there it is. It could amount to be absolutely nothing. It could something I look back on as dent in the wall, so to speak. For now, it's not changing anything I'm doing. It's in God's hands. I have to let it ride.
It's also been a busy week. I've had something in the GAL department every night this week. Tonight I was double booked with a VBS meeting and Men's group at church. The VBS meeting finished up and I went to Men's group. I think I'm still going to try to get in a run in tonight. I may try to stretch it to 4 miles.
Next week is scheduled to be pretty busy, too. I have VBS in the evenings Sunday through Thursday. On Friday, I'm taking my S to Spirit Song at King's Island so he can see tobyMac. Saturday night's a cook out.
Well then again...while I was out for a 4 mile run last night after Midnight, my S texted me: "I just saw something i should never c. i saw OM on top of my mom...
Unfortunately that text came in about 35 minutes before I got home from my run. However, I offered to pick my S up and he accepted. I called my W. Very short conversation. I told her I was coming to pick up S. He is telling me he is traumatized.
After the phone call, I forwarded my S's text to my W. We had the following text conversation:
W: I get it jb. He saw OM's butt and knows he was hugging me...hes just embarrassed that he saw OM bottom on me. W: My brother walked in my parents a long time ago... jb: Your parents were married. That's where our S's head is right now, W. Please understand S is watching both of us right now. W: I know...he is and i understand...it wasnt supposed to happen like this...but he and i just talked for last thirty min. He really opened up and said hes been having some real anger issues and has for two yrs...
I didn't respond the last text. I picked up my S at 2:45 last night. We got home around 3:15.
My S and I talked on the way home. He was describing this anger issue. I think he's definitely going to need to see a C, and is likely overdue. I asked if the event last night caused him anger or he was more traumatized by it. He said it was more trauma than anger in that scenario.
Seriously, why do I want want to be married to this woman anymore?
I don't want this to cut into my GAL any more than it has to! Making a federal case out of it probably wouldn't have been of any benefit and probably would have done more harm than good.
KD, you crack me up sometimes!!! 
Supposedly she didn't have money to buy groceries for him. 
Side note - she goes out to eat with him almost every night she has him. Hmmm...one would think buying groceries and doing a looking cooking might just save a little money. 
