Husband had affair and I believe is in MLC

[25yearsmlc]

Racheal

you asked if I hired a DB coach for 3 sessions (b/c the packages make it a bit cheaper than hiring them one session at a time).

I did that and ended up buying 5 packages for a total of 15 sessions. Worth every penny.

And the workshop I mentioned to you is NOT in Michigan. It's on the east coast mainly. I flew in from Alaska to do it. Worth every penny.

As much as I relied on my faith too, I also knew God did not want me to "wait."

HE wanted me to DO and so I did.

You are gardening and praying...those are good things to do.

But imo, they are NOT GAL things.

you must reach OUT of your comfort zone and JOIN something, volunteer, or meet new people, soon. Like this week.

It's crucial that new people come into your life so you don't always obsess about the relationship. And it'll do your ego a lot of good.


And btw, from your posts, your h sounds like a lousy h and a worse father...

If that is true, I hope you'll come to see that has to count more in your life.

make sure this is about wanting a better healthier marriage to THIS man

than it is about your wounded pride or fear of being rejected.

I'm NOT judging you, but telling you I had to make that same distinction.

Took a lot of time to study my marriage and see where it was lacking, where my h was lacking and most important, where I myself, was lacking.

Then I learned my rights and knew I"d be fine either way. Then I CHOSE to work on myself

and become the best woman I could become. My h wanted to reconcile but I was not so sure. I knew I would not go back to what the marriage had become.

My h made his changes, and we CHOSE to restore our marriage. We went to Retrovaille about a year into Piecing b/c we felt ourselves backsliding...and it helped right us and that was excellent.

We also both attended that workshop I told you about, but first we went separately so I would not feel inhibited and b/c some of my stuff, has nothing to do with my h, although it does affect our marriage. Same for him.

It's the most profound experience either of us ever had. The first time we went, was over 20 years ago, long before his MLC (or whatever it was). But that's also when our marriage was at its' best and strongest and others often commented on how well we got along and how we had each other's back and truly admired each other. Later I attended it again (@ no additional charge, btw and that makes it the best long term deal on the planet) and so did h, together w/me.

That was a real highlight in our marriage, imo. So many breakthroughs in one long weekend, like 4 years of great SBT therapy all combined.

But if you feel that hiring a DB coach is radical, then you're not likely to go to a workshop on the east coast. So I'm not going to push it.

I just think there's a certain passivity to your efforts which could be addressed.

Anyhow, we're here rooting for you.