Something The Boys And I Have Noticed

[25yearsmlc]

AMEN ^^^^....beautifully put.

And as Jack noted, the comment your w made that she's happy with or without her OM, makes sense to me. I mean, if it were anyone but your ex wife

you'd see it as the healthy comment it is. I don't know if it's true but she feels it so who cares?

Try not to know these comments, don't ask your sons about them. It makes it harder for THEM to have a decent r with their mom b/c they feel disloyal to YOU

and you make it clear that it IS disloyal in your eyes for them to be happy about anything she does.

That's not really fair to them and in the long run does more damage.


And please stop wondering WHY. Did you really read my post? My neighbor's d is 11 and has cancer and neither she nor her dad ask that question.

He lost his WIFE a few years back, suddenly, & had 4 young kids to raise alone and NOW has one with cancer...to this day I never heard a word of self pity or wallowing from him.

You don't seem to realize that in a way, you sound self absorbed when you talk of all your loss and how unfair it all is.

Your wife left you, and it hurts and it feels unfair. I GET THAT.

But in the grand scheme of things Tad, as much as you hate me saying it,

this isn't a life deal breaker or life ender. It's a setback. And there is NOT always an answer to the question of "Why?"

I mean, do you think there is a reason why my neighbor, the widower, was widowed?

Do you think there was a REASON that His d11 now has cancer?

Can you see how useless that question is?

Move forward now...please.

((( )))


ps

Here's a SHORT piece on Detachment - which is long over due for you. Please work on that.

there is a ton of other info on Detaching all around this board.


"This was originally posted by Peanut.
============
II. Detachment
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.

Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we say or do things that undermine our goals.

We can NOT control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.

If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love.

Met with love, we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.

Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, "I am not getting what I want so I must pull back."

It is the natural acceptance of the reality that "I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."