When there is an OM, I have heard no contact. Set ultimatum. No cake eating, etc.
However, I don't think every situation is the same and the rules can apply to every situation.
I made the mistake in the beginning of pursuit, begging. I "dated" my W while she was with OM. That ended the first week of May.
Since that time, I have turned down numerous requests to do things with the W. I have said yes on a few, but mostly turn them down.
I have done the detach/GAL which has made my W come towards me. I do not think she is checking her position at this time. My W today and my W two months ago are two different people. I detached from the two-months-ago-W. W-today is the one I will hang out with.
Every situation is unique. The reasons for my situation center around the W feeling alone from me physically and emotionally. My 180 would be to not detach and spend time with the W. Going 100% dark would be "more of the same" that the W was getting out of the M.
What I do now with the W is a 180 from what we did the last 12 months. In the past, it was "what do you want to do?". It was boring dates. Today, I always have a plan. We do fun things and try new places.
I guess it comes down to what we think are the most important items for DR. Is it detach, GAL, 180, etc?
In my situation, I think GAL and 180 are what is benefiting me the most.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
