Maybe there is something useful for you there, some affair resources, etc...
First thing, the emotional dependance your W has on your Dr. friend...my W has seemed to always look OUTSIDE of herself for answers, probably because of the SA and subsequent emotional abandonment by the abuser...she resists looking inside for various reasons, and latches on to a person, thing or whatever that she believes has all of her answers...until its time to look within....then it was on to the next search and belief/attachment. MLC (and LBS) is at least partially about figuring out how to find the answers in the right place (within us). Looking back, has your W had a similar pattern of sorts?
As for the Dr., I am kind of surprised that he doesn't "see" it...when I was in social services we ALWAYS referred client/patient to someone else if a strong attachment developed either way, ESPECIALLY with opposite gender situations. Sounds like she has definitely latched onto him from what you wrote. I don't know if you can look at it as a therapist trying to help her...professional boundary issues being crossed would be a problem for me...BUT...it IS your decision.
All that said, let the EA/Emotional Dependance go...let it run its course...you can't control what she does, and it may have started as "something to do with you" in her mind, but she chose a poor way of resolving your M issues, or coping, just as you (and me, btw) did with drinking.
"Are you kidding yourself?" This may sound flippant, but, it really is the answer within the question...are you? You have to answer this within yourself, imo. The mission, should you choose to accept it, is going to be tough...man, it is hands down the toughest thing I have EVER done...the patience, the letting go of ego, letting go of her affairs, sticking to the plan and what works...and being okay with it all, even IF you don't reconcile.
Forgiveness is for you, I have read here, I find its true.
You have started working on YOU, now really get out that mirror, there is gold to be mined!
Just my quick thoughts...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
