TIME for a change

[Broken74]

Thanks 25,

I swear I don’t think I’m angry at this point. Maybe I am but I don’t think I am, if I am I don’t realize it. I was at a point in time, now it’s more disappointment and sadness I guess. The reason I am in the classes is because of my confronting the OM since he didn’t have the stones to talk me to man to man/face to face. I have tried to let everything go. The only thing I think that angers me at this point is my job and I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes through this.

I see your point on how some of my texts could have been interpreted by her. I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I guess “trying to show that I care” could be interpreted by her another way. I was really trying to flatter her in a way which is also a mistake. By saying “I wish it was me”. When I mentioned the no visitors either, I said that because her sister didn’t want any visitors. I am trying to be nothing but kind to her, I guess her interpretation could lead her to think otherwise.

I appreciate your point, that maybe her downtime will give her time to Think/Ponder/Reflect. I put nothing but a negative spin on it, perhaps her downtime will be helpful as you suggest.

For most things I can think of to try and do to help her it generally require me to be present. I would love to do things you suggest for her, but it would require me to be present at her house.

Should I ask her “I want to do you a favor, not something that requires us to see each other but anything that will help you out. Getting groceries, taking care of an errand, whatever. Let me know something that will help you out and it will be done. “ That would be pursuit and should be avoided right? See this is my catch 22, there is really nothing I can do without it being persuit.

She said herself her love language is receiving gifts, that has always been the case. I have tried to spend time with her and my stepkids, declined…. I would do all of these other things you suggest, happily, again declined. Any attempts I make at expressing love seem to fall on deaf ears… That is what’s so frustrating.

So 25, in short, I hear what you are saying and I agree with you. The problem is, given where I am in my sitch, I can’t do any of these things. There’s really nothing I can do “on my own” without her involvement/blessing that I’m not already doing. That’s why I’m stuck and it feels like there’s nothing I can do but try to work the LRT, wait, and hope.

Our marriage would be different because I know although my stepkids aren’t biologically mine I am ready to treat them as my own. Our marriage would be different because I would never talk to her with a jaded tongue. Our marriage would be different because I have forgiven her for our past. Our marriage would be different because her and the kids happiness would be my primary goal. Our marriage would be different because I’m sober now.

If I hadn’t been drinking I know I wouldn’t be in this situation right now. I don’t know how to make her see this.

I’m still stuck because I can’t think of anything to do but wait and hope.

For me personally I’m fine though. I just want to progress my sitch and can’t do anything about it which is frustrating. Patience I guess.

Thanks again 25 I appreciate it!