So I went to my W apartment yesterday to pick up my S. I wanted to spend some time with him so we went to the park and then got some ice cream. He’s 8 and I love him so much. I’ve always told him the most important thing in life is family. Go figure, look at where I am at now in life!!! He’s having a really hard time handling this, it just breaks my heart.
I always let him know that he can tell me anything. I asked him how he’s feeling about things and his response was “why is mommy doing this to me”. I am not a vindictive person and I would never play sides, I told him that mommy’s not doing this to you. It’s not anyone’s fault and you did nothing wrong.
S and I stopped by the store on our way to drop him off and I did a rare thing, I initiated a call to the W to let her know that we were at the store and I would be dropping our S off in a couple minutes. I then asked her if she needed anything from the store. (This might have been a no, no when it comes to DBing but I feel I usually follow the basics for the most part). Her reply was “no thanks but thank you for asking”. I think my simple gesture got to her because she started to cry on the phone, she said this was the first time that she really missed us being together as a family. It was like things were sinking in for her!!! I am thinking to myself, are you serious? I’ve been missing out family this hole time!!!! I told her “I appreciate you telling me this and I know that was probably not an easy thing for you to share with me”. I validated by letting her know that I understood.
When I dropped the S off she wanted to talk, at this stage in our sitch, this is a somewhat rare occurrence. She was telling me how hard it is and that she’s not used to living in a small apartment and that it’s so hard on her to see our S struggling with things. She asked me how I was doing, I kept it simple by just letting her know that I was doing good. She cried and I listened and validated. I remained calm and confident but also caring.
I don’t say a ton when this type of conversation comes up, I want to make sure I don’t get myself in trouble by opening my trap and saying the wrong things. Anyway, after our somewhat brief conversation I told her I needed to get going and that’s where things stand for now.
On a final note, I have my list of 180’s that I need to work on, it’s frustrating because most of my 180’s involve things that cost money and I don’t have very much. I am struggling to come up with ideas of things that I can do that won’t cost anything.
Me(M):37 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 8 D: 4 W wanted separation 5/5 Stopped living together 5/5
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
