Very true labug! I don't know if it is good or bad, but I find that I honestly don't care about his feelings right now. I realized how little he cares for mine and that I need to make mine the priority (mine and the boys).
I agree that you need to make yours and your boys a priority.
Do you really not care about his feelings? Or is it more that you know that you can't change them?
There is a big difference.. which is why I am asking.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I do care what happens to him Val. I didn't mean to come off as cold. I just need to care about me and the boys first for a change. It has never been that way, I always put him before me and that is a hard habit to break. Not for me necessarily, but for him. He is not used to it and is really frustrated and acting out.
He has been lying like crazy and really playing the boys in the middle. The most recent scenario was that he claims he needs to be here every other weekend to maintain because he feels I am not (which I of course am). He said "if I wasn't there 2 weeks ago I wouldn't have found that switch which is a fire hazard" (I had already called an electrician for said switch and if it was really such a fire hazard, why wait two weeks to tell me with your kids here)
Then he said "and lawn maintenance is falling on S15 and he is complaining to me about it so I am giving him a much needed break." Well, I have been doing it and S15 does 2 hills only. But I asked S15 how he feels about it and he said "its no big deal, but dad keeps bringing it up to me for some reason" So I told him that if he ever has a problem with this or anything else in our home to please bring it directly to me only and we will deal with it together. And if he has something pertaining to dad, he should bring it to dad directly. It will be the quickest way to solve it. He agreed and said "mom I really wasn't talking to dad about this, he was"
So disengaging will prove to be difficult at times until he has a home of his own. This every other weekend is rough on everyone, yet he is digging in and refusing to change it. The kids aren't even here, they are working all weekend. Very frustrating.
So really I am just trying to hold my boundaries, I didn't mean that I don't care at all. He is he father of my children even if he is currently acting like one himself. I hope we all come out on the other side as better people and in one piece
Just finalizing our vacation plans and very excited. The boys and I have been trying to decide which beach we want to spend some time at this summer. We are so fortunate to be a short drive to many beaches.
My core group of girlfriends all go the same week to the same spot. Considering it is my first vacation alone, I think this is brilliant. My girlfriends will all be there and my boys will have all of their friends too. It is a cute little community and the rentals are all walking distance from one another.
I am just putting the finishing touches on it this week and so very excited.
S18 comes home tomorrow. I have really missed him this week while he was away. Really looking forward to spending time with both of them before college starts in a few weeks.
Thanks Starsky! I am so excited about it! It is a beach we have never been to, and the kids have always wanted to go to! I can't wait to share the final details with them. Feels like Christmas
