I am such an idiot! My kids text my W if we could come down and go swimming. She said sure and that she would join us. We had such a wonderful time yesterday and today it started out nice and we were pretty comfortable and I opened up a little. Some please sew my lips shut. We talked about some of what we were going through and that discussion evolved into some of what happened in the past which turned into her telling me that I push too much and basically ruin her wanting to be with me. 5 min before she was asking me to feel the muscles in her legs and then I made a comment about sex burning off lots of calories and she laughed and responded that she would keep that in mind. Meaning others. Thank kind of caught me off guard. I was like thanks a lot. She said oh you mean with you. Well that would be uncomfortable. I was like why we are still married. Her response was yes but we live in separate houses and are separated. This lead to her saying I push her too much and in turn I said that maybe I am still trying to hold on too tight and was too needy but told her she has made comments about a few other guy friends and it concerns me (one of them all the time but lives in another state). She said she has been telling me all along that she is happy with her life as it is. She has her little house, her boys, her group of friends and she does not have to worry about us. She said I can’t just let things be. She is right, I miss her so much and then yesterday I felt like I was falling in love with her all over again and now I messed that up again. At that point she said that I was making the whole situation too difficult and she just wanted to go inside and forget about it. I feel like giving up because it really should not have to hurt this bad!
The next time you think that you can say something to change this...
Take out a butter knife, and stick it into an electrical outlet...
It will have the same effect on you.
Didn't 'thinking' get you here ???
I guess my first question would be..(see bold above)
Why are the kids asking her to go swimming ? Is that something that you wanted ?
Convince me otherwise, that you didn't use that as an excuse to be around her in some way....
I'm not sure you are understanding what distance, and creating mystery mean(i.e.-nothing to do with Scooby Doo). Or going down cheeseless tunnels, or 180's...
Did you read DB/DR ???
The 37 rules ???
You may not see this..
This is hard on her too. This was not an easy decision for her to make. Whenever you push her, you are rubbing her nose into it.
You are still there to remind her that you haven't changed one bit, and are still the same person that she wants to get away from. By you telling her that you still love her, all your actions are saying is....is that you still want YOUR way.
Your actions are screaming like a five year old at the Ice Cream shop. I want my way !!!!!
STOP....drink a large, cool glass of STFU, and listen to her, walk away first, create a little mystery. Let her come to you because she wants to, not because you forced her to....
