I'm a new person

[bustorama]

but I think it is possible to do LRT without going NC.

Definitely.

The key is one's POV/intentional state, as I see it.

Yep.

That is, if you are not trying to do things to get H back, if you are trying to live your changes for you and your kids, if you have accepted that you need to move on with your life, if you are not pursuing H, if you GAL, then is it necessary to cut off the sort of daily contact that some H's seem to desire - when there are kids involved?

Before we get to the last part (H's behavior), let's tackle the first part:

V IS doing things in hope that H will come back. Of doing things with EXPECTATION/HOPE/GOAL that he will stay and being drained when he does not.

V is STILL hoping that H will come back without OW.

V is not clearly NOT detached from the situation because she is experiencing exasperation, emotional fatigue and INCREASING RESENTMENT from the circumstances, from the fact that she is allowing her H to cross her boundaries repeatedly (and that she is crossing her own boundaries).

The epitome of cake eating.

Here are V's quotes from earlier in the thread relevant to the above 3 issues.

However I can't stomach another 6mos like this or 4 or 2!

On the plus side, we are a lot closer than before. Every month we are closer BUT he's still in contact with OW and that's too much for me!

Before he left my place tonite he said, ok I'll see you guys in the morning. I had told him this morning he wasn't going to come tomorrow morning anymore. I didn't say anything. UGH! I don't initiate break-ups cuz I have abandonment issues. and this is a great example. HELP!

THIS is the person I would want to be with (minus OW). He appreciates me and values my input....BUT the presence of OW is getting on my last f-- nerve. KWIM?

H came over this morning. Early (6:45am). I can tell how much he LOVES his morning visits....This (con't to DB) is harder now than when I started.

But every night, after he drops off S4 and tucks kids in bed, he leaves. and we're a family of 3 again.

I'm emotionally drained but something in me keeps going and I wish it wouldn't. I wish I could just sever the ties and continue my life without him.

Seriously?? You have f-- benefited from me having patience and hope. It's BECAUSE I have/had patience and hope that you come and go as you f-- please. It's BECAUSE I had patience and hope that I haven't gotten an atty involved. It's BECAUSE I had patience and hope that I don't physically detach!

So don't f-- come to me and tell me as if you're wiping your hands clean of my frustrations!

This is not at all about teaching them a lesson. This is about respecting yourself and your own boundaries of how you want and deserve to be treated in a relationship.